tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post587148790884568539..comments2023-05-05T02:20:39.892-07:00Comments on Cryptic Language and Vague References: A rival good to God'sOriginal Mohomiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05220176833570828412noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-14670681342840196762010-08-11T12:42:27.021-07:002010-08-11T12:42:27.021-07:00@ a wry and audacious GMB: Are you calling me a Ca...@ a wry and audacious GMB: Are you calling me a Catholic?! You, of all people, my friend, should know I'm not one for a life of mourning. ;)<br /><br />I remember sitting in a practically empty theater with GMB, waiting for the credits for the Matthew Goode, Emma Thompson version of Brideshead Revisited to run themselves out. I loved the cinematography, I adored the actor's character choices, and I revered the film's score; however, as much as I honored the film's artistic merit, GMB is right: the film became an exceptional challenge to my ideas about who I was as a gay man in the Mormon church and how I thought, at the time, I would spend the rest of my life. <br /><br /> <br /><br />I figured I could be content, playing the role of the ward's token queer, sitting on the back pew who, keeping his mouth shut unless he found himself opening it to direct the ward choir. I did not want to be, as Julia said she felt she was, "bad," nor did I wish to soften the clench my already weakening grip had on the church, afraid that I, as GMB wrote, would "los[e] the faith," and thus lose--aside from any sort of uncertain celestial blessing--my faithful family and active friends.<br /><br />Julia was a difficult character for me; even though I was, at the time, trudging along and directing the ward choir, I could see myself become something like her, a roving hedonist who would make that "just in case" repentance before the shroud covered over, and I didn't like that. For me, I wanted to be all in or all out and a deathbed recantation seemed a weak solution.<br /><br />Anyway, as GMB says, I took a long time to decide what I would accept as my ideas on "sin and authority." <br /><br />In a nutshell, I am weary of guilt and shame and sin. I doubt The Powers-That-Be want me constantly looking behind or above or below to make sure I appease a demanding god who sates his palate on the sacrifice of human"sin," the mercurial beingwho would gift me with a capacity to love another human being and then require me "to set up [his] rival" and place myself as the forlorn prize to be claimed by the winner. I suppose that Those Powers-That-Be want me to keep asking questions and doubting weak answers, and--as Original Mohomie so beautifully wrote--they want me to keep moving forward, "one step at a time, knowing the risks, learning from experience to refine and strengthen me, trusting in what I believe and/or hope is possible, doing the best I can with what I do know, and trying not to let my fear keep me 'safely' locked up."<br /><br /><br />I love how the arts can become a sieve through which a thoughtful person can better understand the worlds within and without him or herself. Brideshead was one such film for me, and it's encouraging to see others' experiences with the movie as compared to my own.favoritenichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12079657249856080575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-44895978594669050022010-08-09T09:52:50.093-07:002010-08-09T09:52:50.093-07:00Although I haven't seen the eleven-part versio...Although I haven't seen the eleven-part version, the Emma Thompson version drew up some very interesting emotions.<br /><br />I went with my best friend because we found the story intriguing. Leaving the theater, his initial reaction was, "I don't know how I feel about that."<br /><br />For me, it was refreshing to let myself be open to dialogues on these issues I hadn't allowed myself to consider for fear of "losing the faith."<br /><br />After several months of contemplation (esp. in regards to the ideas of sin and authority) and watching it two more times, he came to the conclusion that doubt and questioning were essential elements of his belief system. (How very Catholic!)A Gay Mormon Boyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02366029507118022319noreply@blogger.com