tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post8990346036535175282..comments2023-05-05T02:20:39.892-07:00Comments on Cryptic Language and Vague References: All The Wrong PlacesOriginal Mohomiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05220176833570828412noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-25815337154258618692009-10-10T22:09:41.170-07:002009-10-10T22:09:41.170-07:00I don't think you think too much. Being a gay...I don't think you think too much. Being a gay Mormon is so complicated for those who desire to remain within the church. Although denying my sexuality for so many years created some unhealthy addictions that I still fight, I think it was probably the best for me. I don't think I would have had the resolve or stamina that you have. <br /><br />I can't help but think that someday, your wrestling, thinking, and searching will pay off, an you will not have compromised your integrity in the process.Bravonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02762204502534599107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-79319112665915900082009-10-10T14:22:39.868-07:002009-10-10T14:22:39.868-07:00I think many of us have similar issues finding guy...I think many of us have similar issues finding guys even when we "aren't looking." I'm very exmo with no intention of returning, but where love interests are it's very hard to find guys with standards. I talked about very much the same thing on my blog the other day.<br /><br />I finally realized that what I need is like a good exmoho who, although may not be interested in Mormonism, still things some of the healthy aspects of the faith are worth retaining like not using drugs or alcohol.<br /><br />While such guys are out there, hey look at me I'm one of them, finding others seems to be difficult. And if you think it is bad trying to find a good guy with a few (but definitely not all) LDS standards in Utah think how much more difficult it is outside of the quintessential location for finding Mohos. <br /><br />So while said desirable love interest may or may not exist for me I have made the choice to lessen my stringent requirements for a relationship and just open myself up to meeting all kinds of people even if their idea of standards differs from mine. But I hope Mr. gorgeous perfect is out there somewhere.Seanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-49234536102022773842009-10-10T12:07:14.956-07:002009-10-10T12:07:14.956-07:00Why do I keep returning to your blog and commentin...Why do I keep returning to your blog and commenting? Wendy Ulrich, an LDS psychologist who I really admire, said this: "We need witnesses to witness our heart work."<br /><br />I enjoy witnessing your heart work. And I think you want and need some witnesses. That's why you do this, I'm sure. You already had plenty of witnesses before I showed up, but I'm really happy I get to be one of them now. Even if I am the last and the least of them.<br /><br />I don't think you think too much. I'm glad you think. And I'm glad you lay it all out for others to see and and consider and ponder.<br /><br />I like how you wrestle with contraries, and how you write about it. So often we only get the surface story about somebody's life and are left to infer the interior battles and considerations that motivated their actions and decisions.<br /><br />The questions and considerations you are wrestling with are universal in many respects. They are things I have wondered about and wrestled with myself. Yet I have read so few people talk about them as openly and as explicitly as you have.<br /><br />What is most personal is most universal. <br /><br />Sure, falling in love may need to transcend thinking. And someday when you've weighed and wrestled, considered and counted and are finally settled in what you really, really want, then maybe that will be the time to stop thinking so much and just follow your heart.<br /><br />But until then, I hope you keep wrestling and writing.<br /><br />For just as we need people to witness our heart work, I've come to understand that we need to witness other people's heart work as well. <br /><br />I'm a better man for being a witness to your heart work. It stretches and enlarges my own heart to consider your considerations and wrestle with your questions.<br /><br />Keep up the good work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-10788199134131958292009-10-10T10:28:49.333-07:002009-10-10T10:28:49.333-07:00Alan, I think the main way the church would care i...Alan, I think the main way the church would care is about the loss of eternal progress and exaltation of <i>two</i> members rather than just one. The church's institutional opinion, though, isn't the issue for me.<br /><br />Daniel, ha, I probably do think too much. And you have a point about becoming what each other needs out of love or mutual investment. I have learned that it's possible to fall in love with someone who doesn't meet a checklist but who may have traits you never thought you wanted or whom you grow close to because you've invested in each other. Nobody's going to fit a list of requirements or some mold. <br />I'm no good on paper either: no serious relationship at my age? That's a red flag. But I sincerely believe in long-term relationships, so hopefully someone will trust my sincerity even while being understandably cautious about my inexperience in navigating such a relationship. And hearts and goals are sometimes drastically changed by relationships.<br /><br />But like in 500 Days of Summer when he asks her "What are we?" and she says, "What does it matter? Are you happy now?" I thought, "Run away now, boy, run away now. This will end badly." Of course, they all learn something and everything turns out fine for everyone, but the relationship itself...well...I won't spoil any more than I have, but I identified in a way.<br /><br />I can fall in love with a lot of people. I could probably fall in love with several guys I know if I approached the relationship open to that or didn't think about the long-term relationship. I don't go there because there are aspects of our lives (shared goal to avoid the romance, different life goals or religious beliefs, different paradigms about relationships, different levels of stability or outness with the whole "I'm gay" thing, etc) that would most likely spell disaster if we were to fall for each other unless one or both of us changed, and going into a relationship hoping for someone to change is...well, Mohomie don't play dat.<br /><br />And when "being in love" is all a relationship is based on, then it typically ends when they fall "out of love", and for some people, that's fine and works for them (the relationship was good while it lasted, lived out its purpose, time to move on), but that's not the way I see things or prefer to approach relationships. I want the kind of mutual commitment and foundation of common values and principles that can carry a relationship through the downswings without infidelity or "opening up" the relationship. I know there are never any guarantees, "even" for active LDS couples married in the temple. But mutual beliefs about relationships help, and though I have many LDS friends or female friends who mostly share my perspective, I haven't found a lot of gay guys who do. So even if it just comes down to "differences" rather than right and wrong, I still don't know how likely I'd be to find one.<br /><br />BUT, if I ever decided to be open to a same-sex relationship "for reals" rather than these blasted friendships-turned-romantic-turned-oh-crap-we-can't-do-this-now-whats *rolling eyes at myself*, then I'd totally try dating and wouldn't hole myself up because I'd be so sure I couldn't find anyone. You just never know, so it'd be silly not to play the field a bit just because I presume to already know the outcome.<br /><br />But falling in love, beautiful and essential though it is, isn't all I need. The Beatles got that wrong.<br /><br />Max, you lucky cuss. :-) And you even found a fellow apostate with a similar background. That might be the ideal right there for an ex-mo 'mo, eh?<br /><br />I prefer to meet people through friends and find potential relationships that way. I don't really have the sustained energy for meeting person after person, so I'm not keen on the whole internet dating idea, but blogs...yes blogs...watch out, queerosphere, O-Mo's on the prowl!<br /><br />...OK, I'm not. You are safe...for now. *nefariously shifty eyes*Original Mohomiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12887614143300677214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-48504441089029693632009-10-10T09:38:37.146-07:002009-10-10T09:38:37.146-07:00I found my boo on the internet.I found my boo on the internet.Max Powerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14955796304197971564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-71627412386176888502009-10-10T08:33:42.811-07:002009-10-10T08:33:42.811-07:00I didn't know you could read my brain... you m...I didn't know you could read my brain... you must have ESPn!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12900720352902803908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-83050061543539294252009-10-10T08:22:33.907-07:002009-10-10T08:22:33.907-07:00You think too much. You don't ask someone on a...You think too much. You don't ask someone on a first date if they have moral standards and aim for monogamy. You just go on a first date and stay true to your own standards, and if there is a spark, you go on a second date. And if you fall in love, then you nurture the relationship until all of a sudden you're celebrating 2, or 5, or 30 years together.<br /><br />Relationships aren't something you plan out with thought experiments. You just let them happen. If you try to find a guy who can historically demonstrate he is good for long term relationships, you'll never find one because he'll still be in that relationship. Just look for people whose personality fit yours and if love happens you both will turn into committed relationship material.<br /><br />No more hypothetical situations for you!MormonRaisedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03756504100827863560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450854270080513022.post-58986997503388877092009-10-10T06:27:07.666-07:002009-10-10T06:27:07.666-07:00Logically, the reason the Church hammers marriage ...Logically, the reason the Church hammers marriage within the faith is so that the couple could go to the temple to be sealed. So if you contemplate a marriage for which sealing is not currently possible (one with another guy), then why would it matter to the Church at least whether you marry another LDS guy or not?Robhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02992194211469009236noreply@blogger.com