Crying at a Crappy Gay Musical

I went to a musical tonight called Zanna, Don't! at the Seattle Center with several friends. I'd been wanting to see some quirky theater for a while, and I went skeptically looking forward to it, and it pleasantly surprised me. Yes, it was a small, low-budget production, and no, the singers were not Broadway stars nor were the set or props particularly impressive, but it was very fun, very whimsical, and very, very gay. Most of it is ribbing cultural prejudices and stereotypes, and some of it is fairly thought-provoking, usually in a fun way, not taking itself too seriously. Yet, as I sat there half laughing at myself, I teared up during one of the more serious songs, Do You Know What It's Like?, because it was so close to home.

Background story: The story takes place in a high school in a world where gay is the norm, and a somewhat self-sacrificing guy named Zanna uses magic to help everyone find and fall in love with their perfect match. Since the guys' story is what I identified with, I'll ignore the girls (I know, what's new, right?). Mike (in this case an adorable, thin blond boy) found his perfect match in Steve, the quarterback and star in the school's musical which Mike wrote about a controversial topic: heterosexuals in the military. (Spoilers ahead) As part of his role, Steve has to kiss the girl lead, Kate, which he almost refuses to do because it's gross and contrary to his conservative upbringing, but he does, and by the time they finish performing, Steve and Kate discover that they've fallen for each other and are confused about their heterosexuality and struggling to know how to deal with it in a society which frowns upon people of opposite genders being romantically involved. When Kate's girlfriend and Mike find out about it, they have to deal with being in love with people who don't love them back like they thought they did, and Steve and Kate are trying to understand their love for each other and for the ones they've realized they aren't in love with.

When Mike sang, a line particularly stood out: "Do you know what it's like...to have my heart still love you when my mind knows it's not true?" I knew exactly what that was like. I've felt it, and it bothered me at the time, that my heart wouldn't listen to my head. I wouldn't have quite identified or fully understood that a couple of years ago, but I get it now, and in an odd way, maybe, I'm glad I do.

That kinda got the ball rolling, but what really brought the tears was Steve's part, and it surprised me how much I felt as he sang the lines. I thought of one female friend in particular, and I smiled sadly as I wept remembering what that was like and how I couldn't fully explain to her what I was feeling. I've been on both sides of Mike and Steve's story, and they both were hard in different ways.

MIKE: Do you know what it's like
To be in love with you,
To have my heart still love you
When my mind knows it's not true?
Do you know what it's like
To be in love with you,
Not to remember what my life was like
Before I first met you?
Do you know what it's like when I lie in bed
And I think of you and the things you've said,
How they're almost exactly all the things that I've said, too?
But there's one word missing and it comes before "love"?
And I think it doesn't matter, what we have is enough,
But what we have isn't "in" so I don't know what to do?
Oh, do you know?

STEVE: Do you know what it's like
Not to be in love with you,
Not to have my heart obey
What my mind wants to be true?
Do you know what it's like
Not to be in love with you,
But to like you, love you, cherish you,
idolize you and protect you?
Do you know what it's like to look into your eyes
And see what I know you don't see in mine
Though I pray it might be so the whole night through.
Do you know what it's like
to have to let go of your hand
and to start another life, a life I don't understand,
and live the rest of my life knowing how much I've hurt you?
Oh, do you know?

...Then things got light and fun again, and I wiped my eyes dry and resumed laughing out loud.

Seattle Pridefest

Warning: to my readers who are easily triggered into internet activities they want to avoid (i.e. viewing pornography) by pictures of scantily-clad people, I recommend reading with images turned off or skipping this post. There's no actual nudity, but there's some lack of clothing in several shots of people playing in the fountain.



So...I went to Seattle Pridefest since I was in the area. I was looking for something to do on such a beautiful day, a couple of friends were going to be there, and I figured there'd certainly be an entertaining photo op or two, so I went. Most of the stuff usually associated with Pride disgusts me. The sleazy flirtation, trashy costumes, tasteless kitsch, crude immodesty, celebration of cheap sex...I don't care how mainstream some people seem to have themselves convinced it is or should be, I still think certain attitudes and behaviors about sex and relationships are disgusting, cheap, trashy, and degrading, not just "different". But long story short, and justifications aside, I went, and maybe partially because I wanted to ogle some hotties...is that so wrong?

Here's what I found:


Big, Wet Dance Party

Around 2:15, I arrived at the International Fountain near the towering Space Needle at the Seattle Center, which is an epicenter of post-parade revelry with blasting, pulsing music and tight crowds watching people dance in the water spray in a huge bowl.




My Close-Up

As I stood on a bench, talking to friends on the phone and trying to locate them across the crowd, a middle-aged gay couple walked in front of me, and one of the guys pointed his camera right up at me and snapped a shot. I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended, so I chose to be oblivious.


Freaks and Hotties and Normal People, Oh My!

Freaks and hotties, that's admittedly probably what my four friends and I were scanning the crowd for. There were many "normal-looking" people there, and I found myself trying to resist the urge to only take pictures of the more outlandish ones, but let's be honest: they make more interesting subjects. So keep in mind that photos you see of Pridefest may, in fact, not quite accurately represent the general crowd there but probably highlight some of the characters unique to that crowd. Anyway, we found many costumed characters from the parade, hoards of dancing, gyrating bodies, children running around in the water, several sets of bare breasts of the female variety (yes, non-offensive nudity is legal in public parks in Seattle), and...oh my...Hottie McHotterson dancing in the fountain with...booooo, a girl. And...double boooo, kissing her. The hottest guy there was hetero. Figures. I gotta be honest, the percentage of hot gay guys in Seattle is lower than in Utah, in my opinion.








A Nipple Nudge

I felt a fleshy tickle on my left arm as we moved through the crowd. I turned my head to see with whom I was playing bumper bodies, and my line of vision was filled with voluptuous mounds of skin-covered fatty tissue, and I realized I had been brushed by the enormous, bare breast of a large-and-in-charge woman who was apparently slightly more comfortable with her body than I was and politely twisting her torso slightly away from me so as to not nipple-nudge me again. I thanked her with a total evasion of eye contact and a face distorted in disbelief as I forced myself not to completely write off any possibility of heterosexual functioning later in life should I choose to pursue that route. My first adult contact with a naked breast wasn't what I had imagined it should be, and I was dismayed that would likely be my only frame of reference for it. Eyes forward, I glimpsed another set of pastied parts which elicited just enough curiosity to hint at an ounce of hetero left in me.









More Freaks and Hotties

As we moseyed around the fountain to the booths, I couldn't help but grin at the outlandish outfits (or lack thereof), hair, costumes, and body piercings which one expects to see at events like this, particularly in Seattle. I also couldn't help but notice some quite attractive folks, though I wasn't interested in making eye contact or flirting. I wasn't in the mood. Not there. Not then.


Mesh-and-Leather-Clad "Sisters"

I lifted my camera to my eye to take pictures of some of the "sisters" from the parade (which I had skipped), and one stopped to say, "You know, I'm tired of everyone taking my picture. Can I take yours? Can I just take a picture of you guys?" I saw reason in this request and handed my camera over to the nice, mesh-clad drag queen, who snapped several photos of my buddies and me as his two cohorts wandered around behind us and diva'd their way into the background.











Information and Education

At the booths, I picked up some brochures about adoption (from an organization for non-traditional families), knowing my rights (ACLU), Seattle's AIDS walk, Hepatitis A and B vaccination on-the-spot (there are free clinics here), HIV vaccine trials, immigration equality, Seattle's PAWSwalk (Progressive Animal Welfare Society), and Bumbershoot 2009 (there should be some good artists I like this year). I also stopped by the Alaska Airlines booth to enter to win free flights and picked up some 15% off coupons. I was tempted to snap a picture of the well-build model standing in skivvies on a pedestal in the underwear booth, but I opted against it despite his obvious invitation to be seen and ogled. My favorite booth was possibly the Gourmet Blends booth with balsamic vinegars and oils, primarily because I got samples. Trust me, a bit of bread with vinegar on it is far more useful to me than a fake tattoo or a condom. They had a really tasty black currant balsamic which I decided I must have in my kitchen, though I had no money on me, so that will have to wait.


Gay JIM

I stopped out of curiosity at the QCamp booth when I asked one of my buddies if he'd heard of it, and he said a couple of his friends had gone and that it was kind of maybe like JIM but gay-affirming. I was skeptical and amused, so I had to ask some questions. The fellow fielding my questions was totally cute in a mildly socially awkward way (I mean that in the nicest way possible, I guess), and he won me over when he declared his distaste for promiscuity and sleaze. We had a brief conversation in which I surmised that this camp is possibly mostly for people who need some help making social connections and a bit of hand-holding for establishing quality connections with others. Maybe. I also decided it was most likely not remotely similar to a gay version of JIM. But he was cute and endearing, and I resisted the urge to pinch his cheek and make an "oh, you're so precious" face at him before moving on.


Fruity Old Men and Lesbian Gangstas

After the booths, I decided I'd had my fill and headed back to my car. However, the spectacle of the fountain and the fact that I was waiting to hear back from somebody before going to my car combined against me, and I sat at the edge of the fountain and snapped some shots of the most entertaining dancers.












On my way out, I passed two girls and a guy with a little girl running around. After I'd walked past, I heard the guy say, "You're so cute. You know that? Hm? You know that?" I wryly grinned as I pictured him talking to the cute little girl and her shyly smiling. Then one of the girls said, "Hey, you hear'm?!" I turned to see them all looking at me expectantly. I smiled as I kept walking and said, "Oh, well thank you!" Not knowing what else to say, I gave them a nod and kept on towards my car, shyly smiling.

Would I Ever, You Ask?

...I just might.



Thanks to AtP

Affirgreen Conference, Here I Come

I'm so tempted to attend two very... *ahem* ...different conferences concurrently this September in Salt Lake primarily to test my own emotional and intellectual reaction but also to compare their flavors back-to-back and, hey, just for the sheer giggle of the humorous duplicity. Could be fun. ...but expensive. Dang, I can think of a lot of fun or useful things I could spend $300 on. Hm, I'm going to have to think about this...



Ridiculously long P.S. -- Suggestion to Affirmation: get a new copy editor for your web sites. There's a handful of pretty dopey typos and grammatical foibles in your copy. Oh, and a little more substance to the conference might be nice. I mean, the shirtless missionary calendar guy? Really? Am I actually supposed to give a rat's rectum about his excommunication, especially when it's not like he was exactly lovin' the church anyway and basically flipped them off? And are you really going to try to convince me he had some noble mission in mind other than selling a tacky, controversially tongue-in-cheek skin calendar? Anyway, speaking of substance, Evergreen may have fringe psychologists with lots of theories and not that much in the way of statistically significant research studies to back them up, but at least they have Master's and PhD's. Of course, a play or film debut, those are cool, if they're at all good...that would really spice up the Evergreen Conference's dry, clinical and doctrinal approach that has me asking my neighbor to slap me to keep me awake, especially if he's cute. And lunch is covered? Nice. I had to buy my own lunches at the EG Conferences I went to. Although I must say the Saturday dinner banquet was quite nice both years. Oh, and to both organizations: we really need to talk about your web sites (although the Affirmation Conference's web site wins, aesthetically, from among anything those two organizations have put out). North Star's beta site is better than any of them. Of course, I may be biased...