I was talking with a friend the other day, and something he said about having inappropriate thoughts got me thinking: do I see an attractive guy and undress him and get all naughty in my head? I realized...I don't think I do. Or if I do, it's rare. I don't, it seems, undress people with my eyes. I see a hot bod in fitted clothing, and I might think it'd be nice if that clothing weren't hiding their physique, or that they'd be fun to make out with if we had a connection and they were attentive and creative enough to be good at it, but I don't really go off into fantasy land, frolicking all nekkid and frisky or having them give me a saucy striptease. Nope. I mostly just think of them in aesthetic terms, in a way.
Admittedly, I occasionally see someone I just want to keep admiring. Every once in a while, I might get a bit "in the mood" when a hottie's using the exercise equipment right in front of me, and oh, too bad, I just can't help but enjoy the tight butt and well-defined lats in front of me. But do I envision him all nekkid? No. I'm pretty darn sure I did as a teenager, though. A lot. Yeah, I remember doing it, now that I think about it. I'd see an attractive guy and immediately start envisioning what he looks like shirtless, imagining the definition and smooth skin hidden under his shirt, flexing and...heh, silly, horny teenage years.
I'm not sure what's changed, or exactly when (probably by my early twenties, I think), except I now have a more complete, satisfying view of what attraction's about and...hm...I wonder if part of it is that I allow myself that emotional/complete attraction now, rather than just separating and sexualizing the physical attraction component. I mean, maybe I was just plain hornier back then (let's be honest, I just was because...teenage guys: 'nuff said), but I think there's more to it. Before, in my mind, it was about body curiosity and physical appeal or jealousy because I never allowed myself to even begin to think it could ever be about more with a guy. There was therefore no hope of finding an attractive guy I could actually be with because that just wasn't an option I believed in, and there was no chance I was ever going to actually touch a male body in the way I longed to, so it was therefore easier to ignore personality traits in favor of focusing solely on the physical and sort of obsessing over what I believed I could never, ever have, even if by choice.
By now, I've had some really attractive guys kinda put it on the table, so I figure if I really wanted to just touch and be freaky with a hot bod, I probably could. And I've made out with someone who had a kind of body I always was really turned on by but who was not a match for me, personalitywise. So maybe it has to do with the fact that while I would love to find someone with an amazing physique, an adorable and hot face, and a sweet, intelligent, loving, warm, kind, and otherwise "good" personality, who shares my values and principles, if I have to sacrifice some of the muscle tone and perfect skin, that's a totally fair trade for being with a good person, and it kinda puts it all in perspective for me. There's something about having been with someone with whom I felt so at home and secure and satisfied that no amazing physique could possibly make me want to express sexual intimacy outside of that relationship, and I recognized a hot bod when I saw one but had no desire to play with it. Now, I'm not with anyone, and I still raise my brows in approval at a hot physique or wonder if they're as ripped as their clothing makes them look and wryly wish to find out, but undressing them in my mind...? I don't think I do...at least not consciously or more than very rarely...
So am I weird? Do most of you readers out there actually "undress" hotties in your minds? Is it any different from when you were a horny teenager (for the males)? Hey, now, stop snickering. I'm so curious to know what other people's experience is, not to "trigger" anyone but to identify whether I'm weird, or others have experienced similar shifts, or whether such shifts are connected with experience and views of sexuality, etc. Thoughts? Experiences? Saucy stories? ...OK, that last one isn't really...um...well, OK yeah if you have one. No, no, keep it clean for the benefit of my more white-knuckled readers...if there are any left at this point. *wink*
4 comments:
I've experienced the same shift, where it isn't so much undressing and getting freaky in my mind, but more an appreciation of aesthetics. Not that I don't have those desires and impulses, but the attraction feels more mature and full-bodied, if you will.
The most I'd probably day dream about is a make out.
Maybe it was just the type of people I met in my former career, but I've met so many really, really attractive guys who never seemed to have developed a personality that the more model-y types are almost off-putting to me now. Sure, they may grab my attention, but if they can't carry on a conversation, they won't keep it for long.
I think this post and the previous comments reveal that, in one way or another, we're "undressing" people all the time, trying to decide what it is that makes others, as well as ourselves, attractive or unattractive.
Sure, there is bound to be intrigue in the "aesthetics" of another's body (isn't that why we have Calvin Klein ads, the Men on a Mission calendars and the cosmetology trade?), but I think I'd rather like to disrobe, unveil, and denude someone's mind, character and connectedness to the life around them before peeling off their clothes (or, Adonis forbid, mine!).
I really think that I experience attraction in a far different way than most people. I have never undressed a guy in my mind. I have never fantasized about a guy. When I'm attracted to a guy, I want to cuddle with him, I want to stare into his eyes, and I want to just hold him in my arms and never let him go. I can't really say that I've wanted to have sex with a guy I'm attracted to, but maybe that's just because of my Mormon upbringing.
I mean, when I look at a guy that I like, I don't ever have sexual thoughts, I just have romantic thoughts. So, I think that's different from the way most people feel attractions.
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