09 January 2009

Standing Spoon

I must take a moment to proclaim my affinity for a particular position of physical contact: the standing spoon. This is fairly self-descriptive, assuming you're familiar with spooning to begin with. Think of someone coming up behind you and giving you a hug from behind, and just lingering there. I thought I'd take a moment to expound on the nuances of the standing spoon.

Arm Placement

Of course, there are finer subtleties to the standing spoon which make it more enjoyable. Reaching at least one arm under the person in front is a more intimate feeling. Following are some variations of arm placement:
  • If I come up behind you and give you a bear hug from behind, that's definitely affectionate, but it's not "intimate".
  • If one arm goes under, you're probably kinda special to me, whether or not it's in a romantic sense. The under-the-arm standing spoon is a sign that I feel somewhat knit with you, and it may be a sign of me needing a little TLC.
  • If both arms are low around the waste or belly, I'm probably feeling quite snuggly.
  • If both arms are under yours, and I reach up and grab your pecs vigorously, I'm probably kinda horny: just gonna be honest. But that doesn't mean I want to do anything about it with you. No. I just really enjoy a good pec squeeze. I imagine I'd enjoy a good breast squeeze, too, but I can't say from experience whether it's as fulfilling. In any case, I generally don't squeeze pecs indiscriminately, so if I've groped your bosoms, you and I probably have a connection of some sort, whether friendly or more about "chemistry".
  • Then there's a supportive standing spoon, which is a rarer but nice and somewhat distinct form in and of itself. This involves both arms going under yours, with the hands coming up to grab the shoulders. It implies both support and leaning, indicating a mutually constructive kind of relationship.
  • The most affectionate arm positioning is definitely when one arm is wrapped around the torso and the other is wrapped up across the chest and holding onto the opposite shoulder just by the neck. This one is always accompanied by a nuzzle. This, my friends, is the "I really like you" or "you're kinda precious to me" standing spoon.
  • The spoonee also has hand placement options, of course, such as reaching up and holding or hugging the spooner's arms, patting their face, hips, or whatever, or reaching up and over their head for a backwards hug.
  • *** "Passionate" arm positioning censored to prevent blog from being blocked by web filters or otherwise triggering the author--I mean the readers ***

Head Placement

There's so much more that goes into a standing spoon than arms, such as head placement. Of course, the very logistics of a standing spoon encourage side-by-side head placement. But there are also variations to this that can make the most of a good standing spoon:
  • Your basic friendly standing spoon involves having heads near each other but not touching. It says, "Hey there, how you doin'?"
  • To express a little more affection, the spooner may tilt his or her head slightly to touch the top of the noggin to the recipient's. This leaning touch expresses a sort of "aw" factor in the standing spoon and adds a touch of tenderness to it.
  • The chin rest is another that's a step above friendly and implies something of casual reliance. You know you're tight when you can naturally rest your chin on someone's shoulder. This is in no way sexual. It's more a sign of trust that says "I can lean on you".
  • One of my favorites is the cheek-to-cheek. Obviously, there are sometimes height restrictions that make this one difficult, but when a standing spoon can include some cheek-to-cheek time, it's all that much better. Cheek contact is, of course, reserved for more affectionate standing spoons to say, "Yeah, I like you. You're OK."
  • On the receiving end of things, when someone spoons me from behind, I often lean my head back as if to say, "Thanks, I needed that." Lean your head back a certain way, and you're practically begging for the next kind of contact:
  • The more intimate variety of head contact which can take on either friendly or more passionate sub-variations is the neck nuzzle. Have I mentioned I'm a neck man? I love necks. The best is when there's both neck and cheek contact. On a friendly level, it says, "I trust you and enjoy being close with you." But do it right, and it positively screams, "Turn around and take me now."
  • *** The standing spoon kiss has been omitted due to author's lack of experience trying it out. This needs to change. ***

Leg Positioning

Even in a standing spoon, legs can play a role. Do you stay separate? Full leg contact? Legs make a difference. For added fun, a little playful leg wrapping never hurt anyone.

Torso Contact

Now, the arms and head are are important components of a good standing spoon, but one of the oft-overlooked subtleties is torso contact. You'll know if I'm feeling really affectionate (or I think you are in need of some affection) when I gently press my whole torso against your back and feel you breathing. The best is when we breathe together. It's tender. It's bonding. It's occasionally even kinda hot, which would likely be manifested by an increased heartrate, quicker breathing, and very probably a nibble on the neck or a toothy tug on your earlobe.

Practice Makes Perfect

All of this exploration of standing spoonage is for naught without some healthy practice. Go forth, friends, and standing-spoon each other. Try it out. Sneak up on buddies at a party and bear-hug-spoon them. Thank someone for washing the dishes with a good chest-grab neck-nuzzle spoon and a splash of dishsoap bubbles. Button or unbutton the spoonee's shirt (married couples only *cough*). Feel free to add your favorite standing spoonisms. After all this talk, I'm in the mood for some good standing spoonage. If you and I are hanging out soon, watch your back!


Matt said...

Hehehe . . . Oh O-mo. You're so fun.

Ezra said...

Wow, this post was great. :)

I want one of your spoon hugs! I've never actually had anyone hug me from behind.

I too am a neck man! I love kissing the neck, nuzzling into the neck.

Formerly known as Peter said...

I'm a big fan of the side hug-- that hip to hip squeeze. Always makes me feel better when I'm down.

Chedner said...

Much like peeing, is this something that can only be done well by males?

Just a wonder.

Granted, in all admission, I didn't read the entire post; just skimmed through it as my body is far too holy to be defiled via spooning, so this post really wasn't applicable to me.

The Impossible K said...

Oh man oh man... LOL... I don't even know where to begin with this (and for my own sanity, I'm going to try and ignore Chedner's comment)...

It's a shame I can't try this out anytime soon. Maybe next month though... ;)

Thanks for the tips! Some of the techniques are a bit more difficult when there is a good discrepancy in the height between spooner and spoonee, but it's worth a shot anyway.

Oh, and I have one to add: When you're being spooned from behind, it's also fun to wrap your hands back around and massage his neck! I've heard it feels REALLY good... ;)

Stephalumpagus said...

I'm a huge fan of the standing spoon (with my hubby of course), although I've never called it that before. Should some of you fellows find yourself dating a lady, you can try out these moves on her as well. :) I think most girls would enjoy it.

Kengo Biddles said...

So much to say, so much more to filter...

Good post. It made me chuckle. :D

Beck said...

I loved this post. I love standing spoons accompanied by neck kissing... Thanks for the finer pointers.

jimf said...

> I must take a moment to proclaim my affinity for a particular position
> of physical contact: the standing spoon.

There's a very tender scene like this in _Brokeback Mountain_.


If I'm not mistaken, Jack says to Ennis "It could always be like this."
Ennis, of course, demurs (and probably lets go at that point; I can't