Yes, please

Speaking of crushes on Henry Cavill, he's slated to be Superman in the next iteration. I think I approve.

Breakfast With Scot

The other night, after watching weekly TV shows with some buddies, we decided to see what was on Netflix and agreed on Breakfast With Scot. It deals with a gay couple who don't show any glaringly obvious stereotypical gay traits who end up caring for a young boy whose mother died and who is waiting for her ex-boyfriend, into whose custody she willed her son, who is also the brother of one of them. They quickly learn this boy stands out like a sore thumb among his peers for his love of things that are decidedly not traditionally masculine, let's say, and most of the movie deals with them learning to adapt to having a child in their lives and the latent insecurities his lack of 'fitting in' brings out in them, particularly the former hockey player who's been playing it straight in public for most of his life. It's no Oscar-winner, but I really enjoyed it and would recommend it for a fun, somewhat thoughtful, and heart-warming watch. I think I'll add it to my regular holiday season list. :-)

Bedrooms and Hallways

How did I miss this one until now? I rather enjoyed it.

Bedrooms and Hallways

I must say, I got a good chuckle out of the men's group.

And of course, some of the themes seem relevant to me right now, including exploration of intimacy, attraction, and whether orientation is all-or-nothing or whether traditional views of sexuality should box a person in to predefined one-size-fits-all options.

A rival good to God's

I finally finished watching the BBC version of Brideshead Revisited, all 11 episodes. I still also like the more recent version with Matthew Goode, Emma Thompson, and others, but this one brought out so much more complexity and nuance in the story. Something that stood out to me is the power of religious faith in people's lives and the unlikelihood that most people will ever fully let go of it or escape the voices of their past, telling them of sin and grace.

SPOILER ALERT: Most poignant, to me, was the crisis of the relationship between Charles and Julia, Charles being an atheist-leaning agnostic, and rather staunch and even arrogant about it, and Julia being a free-spirited and wayward Catholic woman who nonetheless retains a notion that she is, in the end, a sinner and will have to repent or pay at some point. This difference seems a side note in their relationship, a point of some mild friction but nothing to end the relationship over. In fact, they each turn away from other relationships and lives to come together, against the criticism and dismay of her family, who insist it is a relationship begotten in sin and incapable of being blessed by God, since they can't be married by a priest.

There's a reflective and poignant conversation between Charles and Julia's brother and sister, Bridey and Cordelia, in which Charles challenges their notion that their dying father must receive last rites from a priest in order to be saved from his life of faithless abandon. They insist he must show an act of will and contrition before he dies, and he illustrates that if their father has the will, the priest is secondary and not the crux, and they end in a bit of a stalemate. But in the end, the "just in case" wins out over doubts of faith, and their father participates in the rites before passing away, which challenges Charles' confident assertion that it's all hogwash, and he, too, joins in a prayer of mercy from God, in case God exists, and in case mercy is needed. He realizes he, too, has doubts about whether it's all truly "bosh" as he has claimed so often.

With his deep realization of what this family's religion means to them, of how pervasive it is in their being, and of the probability that he's been too dismissive of their faith, this experience hammers home the suspicion he's been fighting all along: that he is asking Julia to choose between him and something that is equally or more interwoven into her, and that maybe, just maybe, she's right not to let go of it. They have the following conversation--their last--on the steps of Brideshead, the family home where it all began and ended:


---------------------------------------------------------
Julia: ...We have on the stairs a minute to say goodbye

Charles: So long to say so little.

Julia: You knew?

Charles: Since this morning. Since before this morning, all this year.

Julia: I didn't know 'til today. ...Oh my dear, if you could only understand, then I could bear to part, or bear it better. I'd say my heart were breaking if I believed in broken hearts. I can't marry you, Charles. I can't be with you ever again.

Charles: I know.

Julia: How can you know?

Charles: ...What'll you do?

Julia: Just go on. Alone. How can I tell what I shall do? You know the whole of me. You know I'm not one for a life of mourning. I've always been bad. Probably I shall be bad again. Punished again. But the worse I am, the more I need God. I can't shut myself out from his mercy. That is what it would mean, starting a life with you: without Him. ...One can only see one step ahead, but I saw today there's one thing unforgivable--like things in the schoolroom so bad they're unpunishable, that only Mummy could deal with--the bad thing I was on the point of doing that I'm not quite bad enough to do: to set up a rival good to God's. It may be because of Mummy, Nanny, Sebastian, Cordelia, ...perhaps Bridey and Mrs. Muspratt, keeping my name in their prayers. Or it may be a private bargain between me and God that if I give up this one thing I want so much, however bad I am, he won't quite despair of me in the end. ...Now we shall both be alone. And I shall have no way of making you understand.

Charles: I don't want to make it easy for you. I hope your heart may break. But I do understand.
---------------------------------------------------------

I fear having that same conversation. It seems an all-too-likely scene in which to find myself years from now, and it's hard to imagine taking a risk that I may be sitting on the steps, knowing that I understand so very well that I can't say anything in rebuttal because even if I have worked it out and reconciled for myself, I know that no amount of explanation, or prodding, or pleading from anyone could have brought me here before I was ready. And I can't promise with 100% confidence that I will never make the same turn back and be the one saying, "I'm not quite bad enough to...set up a rival good to God's," nor can anyone else honestly. So the only option in such a case would be to let go, to love someone enough to not demand they choose damnation, even only in their own mind, for me. I wouldn't cling to someone at their detriment, but I'm afraid of being someone's sacrifice to prove their will to a God whom they believe demands such of them. I don't want to be laid on the altar and left as a holy offering by those I've grown to love and into whom I've invested everything. In those moments, the idea that we have eternity to develop relationships and this life to prove our will can become a comforting balm, even with its often accompanying rejections and reprimands, so it's not hard to understand why someone would choose as Julia did.

There are no guarantees, though. So I guess it's one step at a time, knowing the risks, learning from experience to refine and strengthen me, trusting in what I believe and/or hope is possible, doing the best I can with what I do know, and trying not to let my fear keep me "safely" locked up.

Recommendable Gay Flicks

These are possibly two of my favorite gay-themed movies I've seen, at least the best I've seen in a long time. Mulligans was interesting enough, but the acting was pretty terrible in parts, and the script made me roll my eyes sometimes, so it does not make the cut. :-)


Torch Song Trilogy - Not as over-the-top as I expected. Pretty dern gay, but in a very human, down-to-earth way. I really liked the simplicity of it and had no idea such a frank, heartfelt portrayal existed in the eighties. It's still quite relevant today, particularly for those coming from conservatively religious families. Some prominent themes of the movie include a gay man's strained relationship with his religious mother, the desire to settle down with a partner and build a life together, adoption, mixed-orientation marriage, and desire/need(-iness) for acceptance. It's rated R for language and subject matter.


Save Me! - A young, gay, drug-addicted man is sent to a Christian ministry called the "Genesis House" which focuses on a twelve-step program centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ to overcome homosexual inclinations and live according to God's word. Of all the gay-themed movies I've seen, this is probably the most balanced, complete exploration of ex-gay ministries so far and has a Christian-oriented resolution. Mind you, I still don't think it's going to change a lot of minds on the issues raised, but I really appreciate how it doesn't demonize or even necessarily preach but explores the very human motives for the decisions people make and the attitudes they adopt. It's not rated but would be R for subject matter, for some language which is appropriate to the characters (not exaggerated or especially pervasive and gets milder), and for drug abuse and a sex scene between men in the beginning which is meant to establish a dichotomy of lifestyles and is, despite only showing dim, partial butt shots, fairly graphic. You could skip the opening scene without missing much if you're concerned about that content.

8: The Mormon Proposition - Tooth-Gnashing Extravaganza

Disclaimer: This is not my most diplomatic post ever. I'm not going to refrain from posting some potentially controversial thoughts to make sure my readers have something fun and fluffy to read. If you are prone to take offense where none is intended or to read into people's words your own perceptions of what people who say such things are like or what their motives are, you might consider skipping this post or finding a nice, relaxing activity to lower your blood pressure after reading. I will not be intimidated into silence by those who are supposedly looking after my best interest. Progress comes from conflict and constructive criticism, which is what I am attempting. Sue me if I don't pull it off. I'm genetically flawed.



Same-sex marriage supporters everywhere (at least in Utah) are buzzing about the documentary called 8: The Mormon Proposition. Some are touting it as a groundbreaking, bold exposé on the lies and underhanded tactics used to pass Proposition 8 in California, and the vast Mormon conspiracy against equality in an effort to subdue the nefarious homo uprising supposedly seeking to undermine and destroy society! I was intrigued, so I looked up the trailer on YouTube, and for the first minute or so I was really confused: opening the trailer with Chris Buttars, some Utah state senator who is too cantankerous about homos even for most conservatives? Then showing tightly cropped clips of Elder Ballard saying, "When something needs to be done, we know how to do it" all sinister-like? This felt somewhat like a flipside of those ridiculous "I am afraid" NOM ads, but more emotionally charged and using real people instead of those awful, plasticky actors. I was mildly puzzled until I figured out...it must be a sort of mockumentary! Of course! I then didn't feel bad about laughing out loud at a couple of clips.



I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Actually, I'm not so sorry. I couldn't help but laugh at a couple of clips of over-the-top statements or sensational editing. I mean, I know many people regard this as the great civil rights battle of our time and can't understand how anyone could see it otherwise. I can't fathom someone laughing at Civil Rights Movement proponents in the south as they passionately decry the inequality forced upon them. "Ha ha! Look at those silly black people and their overwrought emotions!" Obviously (today), racial prejudice and fighting for rights based on ethnic background is nothing to mock. When you're dealing with a population which feels downtrodden or which is (undeniably) denied certain rights, obligations, and protections based on sexual orientation or the sexes of partners, that's a real issue with real emotions not to be scorned. This isn't about mocking those silly, drama queen homos (though I think there are plenty of drama queens out there who would do well to take it down a notch). And I am not going to defend my stance on same-sex marriage or other rights based on sexual orientation or partnerships here because that's not the issue. This is about something more, something aside from fighting for equal protection, rights, and obligations. In fact, as I see it, it's about my thinking many in the gay community are shooting themselves in the foot with all of the gnashing of teeth.

I don't mean to be insensitive to the real hurt people feel around this. It's just that some things they say are so old and tired and nonsensical that...I'm sorry (kind of), they're laughable! "They don't want us to love," for example. I don't even care to dignify that nonsense with a rebuttal. Saying that is completely missing the issue in most cases! Do some of you actually believe that's what it's about, or are you just being deliberately emotionally manipulative because you're either out of logical arguments or are convinced nobody's listening? Another common sentiment I hear is one a good-looking, sympathetic guy says in the film trailer, "I can't believe that people could hate us this much. ... I'm a good person!" That's an understandable emotional reaction, I suppose, though I don't identify with it myself, but it's something I'd expect to hear out of a teenage girl. I do sometimes feel like crying when I hear someone speak like him because I feel terrible for them that they are so hurt and that they see it that way: their pain is very real and not something to laugh at. I might rather hug that guy than argue with him when he's in that emotional state. But the statement is a bit logically absurd. Believing marriage is and always was intended to be a religious institution preserved for man-woman pairings and that government should not change that does not equate to hatred just because the two admittedly do coincide in some people. I can only hope that maybe some Prop 8 supporters who see that clip, which I believe to be sincere, may recognize the need for more compassion, even if their opinion or political stance doesn't change. But compassion isn't, I don't think, what the filmmakers are after. They're after political change, are they not?

Which brings me to a side note: this blog is public and can be discovered by people searching for content related to the film, so it's conceivable (though probably quite unlikely, considering I'm just a teeny blip in cyberspace with few readers) that someone involved with the film could come to my blog and read this. I have tried to temper my language, to present a complete response, not my initial, more flippant and dismissive, emotional response to the trailer. Nevertheless, I am probably an enemy to their cause, having written this. I may lose readers because I'm posting this. Some may feel betrayed. Battle lines are drawn, and there's no time for fence-sitters or switch-hitters who aren't "yes men". "You're either with us or you're against us" seems to be the message from my most ardently activist friends. I even wonder, if I were more public/influential and less tempered, if some activists wouldn't do all they can to discover my true identity, make threats, lash out in various ways, try to shut me up through intimidation or harsh criticism, or campaign against people like me who don't jump on the train and toe the line. And no, this has nothing to do with Elder Oaks' talk. I've seen such behaviors firsthand long before Elder Oaks compared them (insensitively and inappropriately, in my opinion) to intimidation during the civil rights movement. I've been petitioned to join boycotts and publicize the names of donors to 8, etc. I declined. That all seemed beside the point, too. Though some more prominent members of the Church have butted heads with and felt the swift, hard action of church headquarters, I feel more threatened and vulnerable opposing gay activists than I do opposing church leaders. But screw it, I'm going to call it as I see it.

I won't completely poo-poo the film based on the fact that the sensational trailer made me laugh. And I admit I may possibly be partially using this film as my punching bag for the consistent pattern I've observed among my friends who are passionate about this issue. People I like and respect in many ways are close to people who were involved in the film. While I may disagree with a lot of their rhetoric or approach or even their beliefs, I can still like and respect them as a person, but I've been informed that if I don't support marriage "equality", I don't love my gay friends and should remove myself from their lives. That seems awfully narrow-minded to me, but I figure that's more an emotional statement than a rational one, so I let it go and figure I'll let them make the call if I were to ever vote to "preserve" marriage as between a man and a woman.

I don't doubt a lot of hard work has gone into the project, and people have likely invested much of themselves. I know what that's like, so I don't criticize such an undertaking ignorant of how much work has gone into it. I've helped build an organization I whole-heartedly believed would help save lives and contribute to the emotional well-being of many people and would increase education and understanding and family unity, and I've listened to some very harsh criticisms of the organization and its founders, including declarations that it is harmful and deceptive or mockery aimed at those who are part of it, but that's to be expected. The attacks are inherently impersonal, since those making them generally don't know me, and the rational criticisms are such that I've taken them into consideration and thought, "Is there validity to that claim? If so, how can we respond to make appropriate corrections? If not, how can we more accurately present what we're about?" Not everyone will agree with your aim, or your philosophy, or your methods, and some will believe you're doing an amazing work, and others will only see the flaws. I don't intend personal assaults or degradation on those who were a part of this film. My criticisms, you may notice, aren't about value judgments of the people involved but criticisms of the methodology and balance, or the lack of logic in the statements of some of the subjects.

I tried to watch the trailer open-minded, despite expecting the film to be at least somewhat sensational based on the rhetoric of some of its proponents. I see that, if nothing else, it may very effectively present a common viewpoint. I just doubt it will be seen by more than a select few of those to whom that viewpoint would be new or eye-opening because it doesn't command the attention of those who don't already agree with it. It doesn't seem to even care about meeting them in the middle, so does it even deserve to be given a fair chance by them?

I mean, come on, folks, if you want to present something even mildly convincing to your opponents, you're gonna have to show that you at least partially understand where they are coming from. Otherwise, what reason are you giving them to show you such respect and consideration? I've said this to both the supporters and opponents of Prop 8. I've become pretty thoroughly convinced it's a futile effort to keep making this point, so I've largely backed off from trying to get either side to see the other's viewpoint. They, by and large, just don't care. Get a grip, activists on both sides, or you'll just look like a bunch of ignorant ninnies on a playground making asses of yourselves, providing a good laugh along the way to the people "in the middle" you're supposedly trying to reach out to. But maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe the film isn't about reaching out and is precisely about making an angry voice known. If so, it should be advertised as such.

FYI, this is from the perspective of someone who didn't support Prop 8 and thought there must be a better way to satisfy both sides and found plenty to criticize in both sides of the campaign, but more so in its promulgation by "Yes on 8". I am interested neither in circling the Church wagons nor gay rights activist wagons where Prop 8 is concerned. But most seem to be doing just that: since a cultural war is on, stakes are high, and emotions are heated, and rational analysis and real dialog seem to be sacrificed to quicker, easier tools on both sides. Maybe that's what it really comes down to: maybe logic and dialog have been tried and failed (could've fooled me), and it's time for war. It's time not for logic, not truth, but popular opinion bolstered by emotion. I worry this documentary is just another example of that, but I sincerely hope I'm wrong. Maybe the trailer isn't indicative of the greater film. I can only hope.




Note: For a post and comments about this on another blog, see Limits on A Mormon Enigma.

Other Movie Recommendations

I maybe haven't seen all that many gay flicks (I've started watching a few but couldn't make it through). I just can't stomach the crappy acting, shoddy cinematography, and hideous scripts of most homo movies I've seen parts of. I'm not a total movie snob, and I can forgive some shortcomings for a good story, but I won't pretend to enjoy a film just because it's supposedly about "people like me", whether homo, Mormon, American, brunet, acne-prone, whatever.

But I do have a list of movies I've really liked that have significant or primary gay themes or characters in them, so without further ado, and for the few of you who give a rip about O-Mo's movie recommendations (all two of you), here's the list:

Maurice - one of the first gay-themed movies I saw. Confession time: if I remember right, I originally watched it because it was a Merchant Ivory film of an E.M. Forster novel, the same combo which created A Room With a View, which caught my attention one day on Bravo because of its infamous skinny dipping scene, and I thought maybe they'd have more eye candy in Maurice as well. ...they did. So be advised: you do see floppy bits in the unedited version (rated R). But I originally saw it edited on Bravo. BUT the story is an interesting one and well done, and I don't think any of the nudity is during sex scenes, if that makes any difference to you. The part that initially stood out to me is the scene in which they first touch romantically, and as I watched, I felt a surge of electricity through me as I watched them making that connection for the first time, and I longed for that touch. I thought surely this was a confused and distorted emotion I shouldn't be feeling or a perversion of a desire to be accepted by men (yes, I came up with "reparative"-like conceptions as early as I was feeling attracted to members of the same sex, but that's...you guessed it...another post). As such, I pushed away the feeling. But I never forgot it.

For the (completely innocent) part I mentioned, watch from time stamp 3:10 to 3:21




Brokeback Mountain - I initially refused to see this (the R rating and the hype from the gay activism crowd turned me off), so I instead read the short story it's based on, which was, at the time, available for free online. The story was probably new and groundbreaking to people who hadn't personally dealt with homosexuality much before, but I found the language bland and the characters completely unsympathetic. I finally caved and watched the movie when my roommates were putting it on one night, and I liked the movie a lot more. The characters, though still dirtbags in their own right, were more sympathetic, their pressures and reasons for being dirtbags to their wives more nuanced, and the acting was really well done. Aside from the unwelcome and mildly upsetting boob shots, I liked the movie.

Milk - this is one I own. I really liked this movie. I don't agree with all of Harvey Milk's perspective or decisions, but the movie tells a story I think many people would benefit from watching, and it tells it very well. I like that it doesn't glorify Milk but portrays him as a man who saw a need and worked for the cause. One message I wish people would take away from it is that the gay rights movement isn't just about shoving sexuality in people's faces or validating sexual preferences: it's truly about equality and justice in the minds of most who pursue them. Anyway, I've watched this one several times. And James Franco doesn't hurt anything, either.

Another Country - I've just reviewed it. I'll say no more.

The Talented Mr. Ripley - Compelling cautionary story, powerful acting from an all-star cast (Matt Damon, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Cate Blanchett), riveting suspense, well-developed characters, disturbing but fascinating psychology, great cinematography and a beautiful setting all contribute to my cautious love for this movie. It's so hard to watch in parts when you're hoping against hope for the redemption of the unexpected protagonist...but it's such a beautifully told tragedy...and definitely one of the best-made movies in this list. I even have a friend who shows it to groups of friends with pauses for discussion because there are so many lessons, both subtle and less subtle, to be learned from the story. (Oh, and I have this one edited, if any of you who know me want to watch it.)

The Hours - Solid acting, interesting premise, sensitive and familiar treatment...Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman (as a brunette with a prosthetic nose acting as Virginia Woolf)? Can't hate that.

Fried Green Tomatoes - Don't even try to deny it has homoromantic overtones between the female leads. If you missed it, watch it again. You'll see. But that's just part of the story. I actually haven't watched this in over a decade, but I liked it as a teenager. :-)

The Celluloid Closet - Interesting expose on the history of homosexuality (or, as I say, homoromanticism) in film. You might be surprised at some of the connections. I think some of them are a bit of a stretch and examined through today's modern hyper-sexual lens, but it's still interesting. And it's narrated by Lily Tomlin, which was a selling point for me.

The Family Stone - I also own this one. And I love love love this movie. Love it. The only gay thing about it is the gay son and his partner and adopted baby. Some people notice, to their relief or chagrin or celebration, that the gay couple is the most "normal", stable couple in the movie. I just love the movie and the fact that the whole "gay" thing is just another part of the family's dynamic.

Far from Heaven - emotive performances from the leads and a story about a middle class suburban family struggling to deal with issues that are social no-nos in the 1950s (homosexuality, divorce, interracial relationships) make this one stand out for me. Also, it's the first role I really like Julianne Moore in. She is also in The Hours.

Bent - I hesitate to recommend this one because of some of its content. Had I known in advance the extent of the content, I probably wouldn't have watched it unedited. But the story drew me in, and I watched it while skipping the crude stuff, particularly what I regard as a completely unnecessary portrayal of the decadence of Berlin at the beginning of the movie--the rest of the movie was much tamer than that initial shock-and-awe I saw a glimpse of. I think it's available in two versions: one NC-17 uncut and an R-rated version. For those of you not sure about or opposed to watching R-rated movies, skip this one. If you can watch it edited somehow, though, I recommend that, because it really does beg some interesting questions. Regardless of the version, if you're not comfortable with strong, crude sexuality and nudity (as I'm not), but want to watch it for the story, either see the play it's based on or skip the sexually explicit material on the video. In my opinion, it's totally superfluous. I didn't feel like I missed anything. The dark psychology of going through something as trying as World War II and the disturbing concentration camp scenes are thought-provoking "what if" scenarios that make you really question what you would do in a given situation, where you would draw your strength from, and whether you would allow survival to override humanity. The lead (Clive Owen) keeps you guessing as to whether he'll find his own humanity right up to the end. It stars quite a cast (including Ian McKellen, whom I really like). I probably won't watch it again, to be honest, because parts of it really were a bit too "R" for my taste, but it was moving.

Brideshead Revisited - I've only seen the recent film, not the British TV series. I really liked this movie. Emma Thompson is always golden, and Matthew Goode is one of my celebrity crushes ever since I saw his beautiful beautiful self in a supporting role in Match Point (a movie I did NOT like, despite loving him and Emily Mortimer, because it never really went anywhere and ended terribly...it's a Woody Allen film, I suppose I should've known). But more than that, I really identified with the conflicts in the movie and appreciated the tension from the questions raised, the relationships forged, and the moral, ethical, and religious conundrums encountered. I did get the feeling I was rushed through the last quarter of the story and felt a bit puzzled by the ending, wondering what the creators of the film were trying to convey, but I live ambiguity, so a puzzling ending intrigues me, as long as it's not too "what the H?" I'm a sucker for a tease sometimes. Anyway, the British TV series is coming up in my Netflix queue, so I'm looking forward to comparing it and seeing if it expounds on some of the issues I thought might have been brushed over more than they were in the novel it's based on.

Philadelphia - I know it's probably cliche to like this movie, but I do. I thought Tom Hanks did an outstanding job in his role, and the story of a man fighting for his rights and his life is gripping. It's truly a story not so much about homosexuality as humanity and respect.


I may have forgotten some, but a couple which are notably and intentionally absent from my list are:

Latter Days - I finally caved and watched this just a short while ago with a female friend, and we couldn't help but laugh a little at the poorly delivered/poorly written lines and the after-school-special-style cinematography. I mean sure, the leads' bods are hot hot hot, but that doesn't quite compensate for the campy dialog and seriously slanted/selective (despite being occasionally somewhat accurate) portrayal of LDS culture. We got halfway through when she had to leave. I looked at her and asked if she was going to want to finish it. A sheepish grin spread across her face as she said, "I kind of care about them now and want to see what happens." We finished it later. So yes, I guess there was something to like about it, and it did have a message, even a positive message or three. And I guess it does provide a glimpse into the conflicts of a gay LDS guy, particularly through the lens of a 19-or-20-year-old, and a not-so-very-independently-thinking one, at that. But despite being made probably fairly well for what I imagine was a very small budget, it's just...so...gay-movie-ish that I can't recommend it. Well, that and the fact that the crude dialog really is excessive, and the opening scene of sexuality is explicit.

Angels in America - I discovered this on TV when we had a trial of all channels under the sun, and it captured my attention before I realized it was the movie adaptation of the play a friend had told me about a couple of years prior. It's intriguing, and it challenges paradigms, and I wanted to like it. But I didn't. Don't get me wrong, it was funny, sad, dramatic, witty, and...extremely grating and abrasive and heavy-handed and preachy and biased and darkly negative. Meryl Streep, Emma Thompson, Mary-Louise Parker, and Al Pacino combined couldn't make me actually like this movie. It was just too much of an axe to grind, too gawdy, too irrational. Patrick Wilson was quite attractive, I'll give it that, but that may be the main reason I waded through most of the movie, off and on, wincing at the crude language and rolling my eyes at the overbearing script. This movie is actually "well done" except for the story itself.

Another Country

I just finished finally watching Another Country on Netflix, and I really liked it. I'd been curious about it for years but never "in the mood" until this week. It stars Rupert Everett, Colin Firth, and Cary Elwes, all ages 22-25 at the time. It's a sensitive and thoughtful film adaptation of a play portraying the based-on-truth story (with plenty of artistic license) of a young gay guy, Guy Bennett (the actual person's name was Guy Burgess), who became a spy for Russia, and his Marxist friend, Tommy Judd, and their experiences as inside outsiders at an English boys' school. The rigid social stricture steeped in tradition, the control of hypocritical hierarchy (no, I am not alluding to Church leadership), the alienation from one's "home", and the personal journey of realizing it's "not just a game" stood out to me.

Keep in mind, it's a dry British film from the eighties, so you're not going to find a fast-paced, rapid-fire plot, flouncing drag queens, or a glittery musical score here. And it's rated PG, so it's not "spiced up" with some hot mancandy or saucy dialog. It's understated and even a bit bland at times, particularly the beginning and ending (the end left me a bit flat), but I liked it and recommend it to those of you who are into that sort of thing. :-)


Apparently, someone's posted it to YouTube as well:

Crushing on Adam

It's official: I have a new mini-crush. Throughout Confessions of a Shopaholic, I was trying to figure out whether Hugh Dancy was crushable or not. Throughout Adam (which was a great flick), I just kept saying, "Oh my gosh, as this character he's friggin' adorable and I wanna spoon him." That's all.

Prayers for Bobby Recommendation

I hadn't watched this movie; figured it was likely mostly "subversive gay agenda" w/warm fuzzies thrown in to win people over to a political cause. I watched it for the first time this morning, and though the director admits to hoping it will sway votes on things like gay marriage legislation, and it's no Oscar material, it hit home for me in some significant ways. I appreciated that though it portrays the path of someone who became an activist, I think it's less about pushing an agenda and more about a deeper invitation: to try to understand, to love, to listen, to be mindful of subtle messages we send to those who are in pain or in need. I don't think you have to choose her path or compromise your faith or principles to achieve that.

I think that message is encapsulated in the final scene--the hug (try to overlook what you may not like about the parade, as I had to)--which struck a deep chord with me, since I experienced such an openly loving embrace a few years ago now from some LDS parents whose son had committed suicide, and I'd forgotten how much that moment meant to me at the time. This was before I'd told my family and friends about myself, so that kind of acceptance, not of all decisions I might make but of me, homosexuality and all, was something I’d not allowed myself to experience yet. It meant a lot to be unflinchingly embraced by faithful LDS parents who weren't phased by the knowledge that I was attracted to members of the same sex and who had welcomed me to their home one night when I was visiting friends in Utah. Fred and Marilyn, your expressions and outreach of love make a real difference, and I appreciate it so much.

So a bit late, I'm going to join the chorus of voices recommending Prayers for Bobby. I embedded the first of 9 parts from YouTube. I don't think you have to agree with everything that's said in the movie or buy into its emotional appeals at the occasional expense of reason to appreciate the underlying message of understanding and love. And it makes me realize how good I've had it with my own family and friends who have been so patient and supportive even when they haven't understood everything (as I haven't), for which I also am so grateful.




P.S.--yes, I think the guy who plays Bobby (Ryan Kelley) is seriously cute in this movie. ...hey, it's gotta be said. *wink*

Solamente Amore

While surfing for a movie quote tonight, I stumbled across a reference to Cinema Paradiso, which I've only seen once a couple of years ago now, and moments later, I was viewing a clip on YouTube of the closing scene.

Spoiler Alert: what I describe here is the last scene of the movie, so if you've never seen it, watch it first, and come back and read this. *wink*

I realize there are various themes and interpretations to this closing scene. It may be a simple example of the beautiful escape movies provide people from the harsh realities and mundane details of daily life. It may be, as I've heard it described, a "tribute" to the magic of movies. But I read something else into it.

As the now grown-up main character sits in the theater, viewing the excised clips of amorous affection and giddy playfulness which were once upon a time deemed morally inappropriate for viewing by the villagers in his home town, he is hit with a realization, something that sparks life back into his eyes. His mentor is sending him a message through the collection of clips he left for him to find. It seems, to me at least, that his mentor is reminding him to punctuate and awaken his soul with romance and passion, to not let go of a dream that life (and love) can be every bit as wonderful as you once believed, even if only for moments here and there.

In this scene, he is now a successful and wealthy man with a family, yet he may be questioning what his life has become. He may be questioning whether he traded the wide-eyed optimism and zest for romance and life in general which he felt as a child and young man for a sort of loveless and mechanical life of financial success and social propriety. It seems to me he's realizing he has missed the point of counsel he was given, and though he toyed with the idea of "going back" during a visit to his home town, it became clear that he can't restore what has been lost as a result.

In one moment, as I watch the scene and see in his eyes a broken man to whom these almost euphoric scenes now seem only a distant memory, I dread waking up, one day, to the realization that I have been living a lifeless formula or that, though I may have professional success, social respect, and family at my side, I have given up on passion. It often feels that to have what seems "right", I must forego and turn away from what richly animates every moment. And even though the kind of walking-on-air sensation most often passes or waxes and wanes in long-term relationships, to be able to nostalgically look back on it with a tender smile would be beautifully reassuring.

Still, the next moment, as he seems overtaken with emotion and I see a light restored in his eyes as he is broken and rebuilt, I wonder where he will go from here, and I am motivated to start from this moment to make sure that whatever my course, that I never, never let go of aspiration to passion in life. I hope for passion in a relationship. And I think passion is more than butterflies in the stomach and giddiness, so I hope I'm not naive in my desire for passion. But even if I remain a bachelor my whole life, and though my passions may be for a certain kind of work or study, or a hobby, or (hopefully) for someone, my task now is to figure out how to breathe passion into what is already my life, to direct my course with that fresh wind in my sails. To look back on my past with tender nostalgia is beautiful, and to feel swept away by the fantasy of cinema or stories is briefly soul-lifting, but my life will be what I make it, and my stubbornness has to be worth something, so maybe it will be for refusal to accept a passionless life.

After all, to live a passionless life seems a fruitless sacrifice and one not required by the doctrines I've subscribed to.

So this scene is, to me, both cautionary and hopeful, pathetic and redeeming. It's bittersweet, just the way I like it.

Warning: The following embedded clip includes, among dozens of short clips of old black and white movies, a couple of brief flashes of black and white breastage. Forgive me for presuming most of my readers would not be heavily affected by such glimpses.

You're Not Fully Alive Unless You're Zestfully Alive

OK, I'll begin with a confession: in my opinion, Hairspray is just an "OK" movie. Not amazing. Not life-changing. Not absolutely fabulous. Not worth watching every week, even if my roommates' friends do get giddy like schoolgirls and dance and sing along while watching it, or other friends who are otherwise quite straight-acting can't help but sing along with queer delight. You know who you are.

But I actually enjoy the last half hour or so, from the protest through the end. There's just something about seeing people stand for their right to be considered as human and respectable as anyone else and realizing how recent an issue racism is, as well as the zestful and exuberant enjoyment of being alive portrayed by the dance, the romance, the acceptance of self and others, and the simple statement that "without love", life is lifeless.

It makes me want to be more zestful in life. I don't think the richest in life is found by joining a choreographed dance number or by being exuberant in everything you're doing. I think it's more than that: to learn to allow yourself to simply enjoy life and its quirks and joys even amidst trouble and pain. Sometimes, when I start feeling a little manic about life (deliriously upbeat), I remember the trials other people are going through and the living conditions of people in certain societies, and it sobers me up. Sometimes, when I'm feeling weighed down by the gravity of life, I have to pull back and just be grateful for my blessings and guiltlessly enjoy life a bit and help others do so to keep from uselessly wondering what I can do about the suffering all around.

I want to act! I can't wait for others to stand up and take action to change the world for the better while I just play the system. There will always be reasons (usually involving self-preservation) not to defend a cause or an underdog or invest in changing the world for the better. There are too many battles to fight: they must be chosen carefully if my efforts are to be worthwhile and not meaningless token efforts spread thin. But to stand up and make your voice heard and make your life an example in some way, that is truly living.

I want to love! I hate the feeling of stomping out these amazing feelings of love, warmth, devotion, patience, tenderness, motivation to be better, and general motivation to be a better person I've felt when romantically attracted. However that is to happen, it would be really nice to allow myself to continue to feel it. There must be ways.

I want to dance! Figuratively. Maybe literally. I want to feel so good about life that I can't help but dance. Dancing is one of those things I've never really enjoyed doing, though I'm not sure why. There are some things in life I haven't done because there's simply no reason to try them: for example, I don't need to try illegal drugs. But there are other things in life, like dancing, I haven't done because I haven't really wanted to, yet I feel something stir inside when I see a great dance performance. I share the enthusiasm of the people performing and want to have the ability of showing that kind of expression in my movement. And to be honest, I wonder how much of my resistance to dancing is the simple fact that I feel completely out of place and unable to express myself in dance because I haven't done it, and I wonder if I learned how to be expressive with my body in that way, if I'd actually start liking to dance? There's something that feels good and happy about seeing people celebrating with their whole body in motion, and maybe part of me really does want to learn that joy.

...leave it to me to turn a feel-good movie into an analytical essay. *grin*

Kids' Movie Made Me Want to Be Hetero

I went to see Bridge to Terabithia with my roomie. Yes, two twenty-something guys going to see a kids movie together. It wasn't a first for us, actually.

The movie reminded me of the value of simply being kind. It made me long for the simple happiness of childhood and the magic of imagination. But of all the feelings and thoughts I took from the movie, the one they probably hadn't banked on was, "Wow...I actually want to be straight for the first time in a long time." That girl was so great and just the kind of girl I could picture myself falling for.

Other contributing factors might include seeing some of the most adorable, pot-bellied little kids over the weekend on vacation at the pool. Little kids with round, adorable little eyes saying and doing adorable little things. Made me want to have kids more than I have for quite a while. The little sister in the movie was adorable, too.

So it's been a week of motivators towards straightness. Go fig. It made me want to find a girl who brought out the warmth and spontaneity I keep so carefully in check within myself, and one with whom I could have a deep relationship born of joy and pain and with whom I could have cute little kidlets. Maybe it'll happen. I'm not opposed to the idea.

Ah heck, I've gotta stop going to kids movies when I'm tired. They're just too deep.