07 June 2010

Please, Mormon girls...

My plea to eager young LDS women: please, please stop marrying the really cute, level-headed, non-slutty gay guys in their early twenties, years before they'll admit to themselves they're gay, let alone admitting it to anyone else, and having kids with them, thereby making them not only off limits but respectably bound to stay with their families when they finally do realize their homosexuality or thereby compelling them never to admit it to themselves because they think they can't afford to even begin to question it.

I assert this world would be a better place if LDS girls learned to recognize the obviously gay dudes and stopped pursuing such sexually non-threatening prospects but instead realized what they'd be getting themselves into and recognized the young men's need to sort their crap out first and make a more self-aware and informed, mature decision about whether to marry a woman in an open, honest way. In short, I want them to grow up a bit, come to terms with their same-sex attraction in a moderate and value-based but open and honest way, and become good, stable gay guys available to me...stop being so selfish, ya homowreckers!

Sometimes it seems all the goods ones are either married or straight.

12 comments:

mandi said...

Yep, they are! Hands off!

JonJon said...

Homowrecker. Very clever.

Bravone said...

Ha! I know this was totally inspired by my recently posted engagement and wedding photos on facebook!

Bravone said...

And... it was refreshing to see that you didn't try to create some 'noble' reason for your post, admitting that it was based purely on your own selfish homoerotic desires. :) (still friends?)

Original Mohomie said...

The lighter side of this, yes, is my wish that some of these guys would remain available rather than being snatched up. There is very definitely a strong concern for those involved, however, not just for my own selfish desires. But that's another post for a more serious tone. :-)

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

I really have no time to be reading this but the first line in my reader really caught my eye. I 100% agree for the serious and funny reasons.

I would only add (out of personal experience) that neither husband nor wife in these situations should lash out at men or women who choose not to pursue a Mixed-Orientation Marriage.

Mister Curie said...

Very funny post, made more humorous by the truth it reveals. This reminds me of Chris' wife's post on their blog on why closeted gay Mormon men are attractive to women, but from the opposite perspective.
http://sogoodtobefree.blogspot.com/2010/05/why-closeted-gay-men-are-so-attractive.html
Of course, we're a good catch until we start to question our sexuality, then we are homewreckers. And I'm sure a gay man with a wife (former or not) and kid(s) is no longer much of a catch for someone who accepted their sexuality much earlier. Homowrecker indeed.

Chedner said...

Sometimes it seems all the goods ones are either married or straight.

Gee, thanks for the endorsement. :P

In other news, I've been craving me some Mazza... 'just saying...

Original Mohomie said...

Mazza? You know how I like it. Have your people call my people.

Mr. Curie and GMB, thanks for the comments!

Kurt said...

oh gosh. No marry away ladies. If they are that far gone i dont want to meet them and think they are an option. No projects please.

Mark Johnson said...

Homowrecker... Hahahahaha....

A Girl You Know said...

Sigh. An LDS acquaintance (hmmm, what would constitute appropriate use of the word friend, 'cause he is more than an acquaintance - tangent over)of mine just announced his engagement. To a girl. He is SO flaming gay in every stereotyped sense of the word... down to being the official elected men's apparel consultant for his university choir next year. I want to point a finger at each of them and declare it loudly, "Homowrecker!"