Sometimes I wonder. I mean, there are plenty of people out there who don't like me very much. There are some who thoroughly dislike me. I'm not really concerned about those.
What is harder for me is those who act like they like me, but I'm never really sure. Or I'm not sure how much, or if they're trustworthy, or if they'd try to drag my name through the mud if they, one day, decided I was deserving of such.
Sometimes I wonder why some people like me, and though I don't fancy myself the best-looking kid on the block, or the funniest, I wonder if people often take an interest in me for entirely superficial reasons. I'm in a situation amidst people who are part of a relatively new subculture for me (mohodom), so I occasionally find some old questions coming back in slightly different forms: who likes me because of who I know? Who likes me because they're attracted? Who likes me because I say things on my blog they think are funny?
I just had this feeling, recently, that the majority of the people with whom I associate are missing out on the truly valuable parts of my personality and what I have to offer. They miss the point. They don't get it. They don't get me.
I was thinking about all of this a couple of days ago when I remembered:
a) Everyone is attracted to other people on some (usually superficial) level to begin with. It's how friendships begin. There's something you like about someone, so you explore to see what else there is to them. It's OK.
b) If nobody is seeing those parts of me I feel are most precious, perhaps it's because I am, in fact, not portraying them. Maybe I am actually becoming a more shallow version of myself, so of course fewer people will see through what I, in fact, am displaying: my more distracting traits which inhibit the deeper, more meaningful aspects of my personality from being seen.
So go fig, I'm feeling boxed in by my shallow, self-crafted persona. Shoot. Well, I guess this gives you all free license to psychoanalyze me and any apparently related posts.
This entry may have a slightly whiny tone, but I assure you that's not my intent. I'm voicing this because I've talked with friends who feel similar doubts in their relationships, and I just thought I'd vocalize a couple of my thoughts in relation and attest that I, for one, am not totally immune to these concerns.
10 comments:
If it's any consolation, I like you strictly for your body. I mean, everything else is nice, but secondary.
What if they like you for all of the reasons you listed above and maybe more? Is there anything wrong with that?
You are a funny guy, you are good looking, most people get to know you because of someone who is a mutual friend, and you are generally a great guy who seems to care about people. (At least that's my impression). I think you should capitalize on all of this to open up and allow others to get to know the real you.
Just my two cents.
Rich
Tito--I'm so glad. I've always hoped someone would love me for my body.
Rich--Thanks for the input.
I'll just interject quickly by stating that I'm actally not looking for my readers' reasons as to why they like me (those of you who do, anyway). I actually don't have this question on my mind much, but I did when I first wrote the draft for this entry about a month ago.
I think it's human nature to consider these things. And I know that I personally am a people-collector, so I like to make friends with people that I think are cool, ergo my continued stalking of your blog.
I like reading your blog. I wish I knew you more personally.
For that matter, I wish I knew many bloggers more personally. It's just part of the limitations of the medium that you only get a glimpse of who anyone really is. It's fun in some ways because I think it's a very different glimpse than you would get if you met a person face-to-face under conventional circumstances.
And, as much as I would love not to care whether people like me, I do. [sigh]
I think the more important question is: "How do I get more chocolate out of this life?"
... wait... what I mean is: "Why do you like those whom you like?"
L--I appreciate what you said. And it is, in fact, interesting how people can connect in different ways without physical presence getting in the way.
Chedner--I have found, when I've questioned in this way, that question to be an interesting one. I tend to "like" people based on intangible, overall impressions. But forcing myself to think about that question does help put things in perspective. It gets you out of the egocentric line of thinking.
There are just some people that I immediately like and sometimes it's hard to say why. I can say that certain physical things about you are very appealing, like your smile, but more importantly, you are a good guy. I sense that every time I'm around you. That is one of the most attractive things to me. So, don't worry, unlike Tito, I like you for who you are. But the looks don't hurt. You're such a cutie!
I hope you remember what I shared with you at conference--it was a neat feeling to see you again and know that I "know" you and want to continue to get to know you more in the future. I hope you are willing, at some point, to let more of what you keep inside, out, so more of us can get to know "the real you."
I have wondered that myself, especially in light of the "mask" I too wear so well. (Don't we all?)
Ultimately, to maintain my awesome level of humility, I realized that my only truly redeeming and attractive qualities are from God- so I like to think that the amount of His light I allow into my life is directly proportional to the likelihood of being liked. So to speak. It's also directly proportional to the amount I recognize that I am liked, or even ::gasp::: loved... Still learning a lot about that.
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