15 December 2008

Difficult Confession

I've had an inexplicable desire to snuggle and spend time with a saucy, altruistic, hottie brunette...of the female variety. None in specific. Just the idea of one. I know. Weird. For a couple of days now, pretty steadily. I've seen a couple of lovely daughters of God and thought, "OK, not bad. I could explore that possibility for the sake of actually procreating and living without all the baggage and stigma and complication of a gay relationship. Maybe there really is something to this whole marrying the opposite sex thing."

I think I'm not supposed to admit this sort of thing because it misleads the masses. "Wait...but he said he's gay! Liar!" And it threatens the whole "gay guys can't honestly be interested in women 'cause that would ruin our whole insistence that sexuality is totally fixed and absolute" camp. And they're a highly sensitive bunch you don't want to offend if you can help it. Wounded beasts lash out. Not pretty. Lots of growling.

Maybe I've been a switch hitter all along but have just "dabbled" in the gay club. Maybe I've actually been just as interested in girls all along. *stifling a scoff*

Maybe I'm beginning the gay-dreaded transition into heterohood at an alarming rate. By the end of the week, I'll be wearing flannel and spitting tobacco and pinching random women's butts. 'Cause that's what straight dudes do. Dang. I'm going to miss my scarves. But I guess I won't miss them if the woman-loving Hyde takes over.

Maybe the straightness has been in me all along and is now emerging because I've healed my sense of masculinity to the point that the natural processes are taking place. Dave and Rich will be so proud of me.

Or maybe I'm still rather non-hetero but am tired of resisting the urge to ask cute guys out because it will only end messily unless I go all out and open up to the possibility of a "real" relationship with a guy, which I haven't done. So I'm sick of not having that kind of companionship, so hey, those curves aren't really all that bad, if you look at them and slap a Matthew Goode face on 'em...eh no, nevermind, I'm not into gender-bending; take that mask back off. Yeah, OK, those delicately beautiful lines aren't so bad. I could work with that. Especially if she's the aggressive type and will throw me down. That's hot.

And the silky hair, the sweet smell, the soft skin...have I mentioned boobs aren't so bad, really? Could be fun. And the tenderness, the sensitivity, and the thoughtfulness of most women I've known outshine most men I've known. And I could probably take her home to family without tension. And she can probably make babies and feed them naturally and bond with and mother the little ones she birthed. We could still adopt, not out of necessity but out of desire.

Heck yeah, send in the applications, ladies. Just being interested and somewhat open to the possibility of non-perverse love is a rarity for me, so act now. But, um...act fast 'cause this is most definitely a limited-time offer. My less-gay-than-yesterday phases don't usually last very long.


Kengo Biddles said...

...sexuality is more fluid than most people give it credit for...

Bravone said...

Hyde, you crack me up:D The Hyde side is pretty funny. I agree with Kengo's comment. I think most gay men are capable of having a happy marriage with a woman. It requires some adjustments, but all relationships do.

I think some women are attracted to some of the traits "we" have. And, by the way, boobs ARE fun:)

The Impossible K said...

I'm glad I read this, as it seems somewhat appropriate to the situation I'm facing. I would *LOVE* to elaborate on the juicy (oh yes, definitely juicy) details of my fluid... ok, I'll stop there... But yeah, I agree with Kengo too. Sexuality isn't an either/or statement. It's a complex and wonderful continuum... :)
Oh, and I do secretly hope you find some hot brunette- I'm already quite enjoying my miracle "conversion", so I'd be equally tickled to hear if you decide to "pinch hit" for the other team ;)

robert said...

I agree that sexuality is a continuum and there is no definitive fence to cross. On the other hand, there is an emotional
component in relationship which often ferrets out the truth in us, and it is this component and not sex, per se, which brings one to conclude on an "orientation".