28 September 2009

Fooling Yourselves

"You're fooling yourself," they say, "You can never be happy in an unnatural relationship. You might feel happy in the moment, and you might think you're in love, but it can't possibly bring you lasting joy. When the giddiness and the excitement of having found someone wear off, where will you be then? What will come of your 'true love'? You know the statistics don't support the success of that kind of relationship, right? They don't last, and if they do, it's in unhealthy ways."

"I'm happy, and I love Chris, and we want to spend our lives together and give ourselves to each other fully. We'd like to form a family."

"Oh, you do not want to bring kids into that. It's not fair to them. They deserve a stable home with a mom and a dad who love each other and stay together. What you're doing is selfish."

"What we're doing is following our hearts and acting on the love we feel and the dedication we want to make to each other. This feels right, it is what makes us happy, and we are willing to defy society's expectations and do what it takes to prove them wrong. We know it's not always going to be sunshine and roses, we know there will be hard times, and we know there will be bumpy roads ahead when infatuation and passion wane and reality sets in. We know a large portion of society will never accept or validate our relationship, but we don't live by polls. We live by what we believe is right and what we feel in our hearts. We're willing to commit 100% to each other because we are in love."

"That's not love, it's a counterfeit. You just want it to be love because you want to justify your actions and live this fantasy someone has convinced you is real. You want everyone to believe you're living an acceptable lifestyle, but it's all about you getting what you want without accepting who you are supposed to be, who you are meant to be."

"Like it or not, believe it or not, we're in love. You didn't have to defend your love to anyone, and I don't have to defend mine to you. I appreciate your concern, but I know what I believe, and I know what's in my heart, and this relationship is what Chris and I believe is the best thing for both of us. We're better together, we bring out the best in each other, we've never been happier, and we're dedicated to each other through thick and thin. When we're emotionally and financially ready, we'd like to bring children into our home and raise them to be good, loving, productive citizens."

You're going to make your own decisions. That's fine. But I just don't think you're being honest with yourself. You're caving to pressure from others like you who aren't being completely honest with you about the reality of relationships like yours. They've put a glossy veneer on it, and you've bought into it. It makes me sad to know that you've allowed them to get into your head and deceive you this way. It's not what you think it's going to be. It can't be. It's based on smoke and mirrors and will most likely end badly. I just don't want to see you hurt...


Jon said...

Provocative from Provocity.

Scott said...

I've gotten used to you being occasionally cryptic and vague, but I'm not sure I've ever been quite as unsure, after reading one of your posts, about where you stand on something. :)

Max Power said...

So did you finally meet the man of your dreams?

Original Mohomie said...

Jon: you bet your sweet bippy.

Scott: alright! Mission accomplished.

Max: no, nor the woman. I am, as much as ever, a solitary man.

Anonymous said...

Joseph Smith taught that "by proving contraries, truth is made manifest."

It's fun to see you swishing two "contraries" back in forth in your mouth, perhaps trying to test the unique feel and taste of each stance.

I love to see people wrestling with paradoxes and contraries, because I think it is the essence of this life. Both sides of your dialogue have compelling things to say and important points to make.

I hope you keep trying to "prove contraries," cause it's very instructive to watch someone do that in a sustained, open, and honest way over time.

And stay "solitary" as long you need to for the "truth" to rise up and manifest itself, bold and beautiful, pulsating with light and clarity, as it transcends the back and forth of contraries and finally reveals things as they really are.

I sincerely believe in that coming clarity, and I believe that those willing to wrestle with the contraries now (instead of simply embracing one or the other), will be well suited to receive the light when it comes.

Despite the despair, anger, fear, and doubt that many feel now, I believe "something good is coming." I feel it in my bones. And I sense that the "wrestlers" who have sought to prove contraries over time will be uniquely ready to receive it. And they will rejoice. I believe that.

D-Train said...

It was assumed that you did not meet the woman of your dreams since gay men don't dream about women.

And if you do, we have a word for those too, they're called nightmares. :P

Amber said...

This exact argument could come from both ends... from someone against mixed-marriages (gay + straight), as well as from someone against gay marriage. Eeeenteresting.

Amber said...

And what I mean to include in my last comment is... define "unnatural?"

Original Mohomie said...

Ha, unnatural...good question, but it's sure thrown around a lot.

Many people see gay relationships as unnatural because they aren't reproductive and are evolutionarily disadvantageous, or because they believe it is against God's plan. Many other people see mixed-orientation relationships as unnatural because they defy one's natural inclination towards a specific gender or sex.

...as far as I understand it. :-)

Mia said...

Anonymous - I like what you said. We should chat.

Original Mohomie said...

Anonymous, it seems you gained a fan or two from your comment, which I also appreciated a lot. Now I have two people who have asked who you are because they liked your comment so much, one of whom said she'd really like to be able to have a dialog with you. Since I have had a few anonymous commenters over time, and I don't know who most of them are, much less you (except I have reason to believe you're the one who keeps saying you might silently read but continues to offer very welcome comments *blush*), I'll just let you know you have fans by telling you so here. :-)

Original Mohomie said...

Ha, and one of the fans I mentioned commented while I was writing my comment. :-)

Anonymous said...

Wow, I never expected to have a "fan" here. I'm flattered, but entirely unworthy of such an honor.

You're right, I had planned to fade silently into the background as just an occasional, anonymous reader. That's still where I feel the most comfortable. Unlike most of your commentators, I don't have a blog and am not a known quantity in the "moho" community. That may change someday, but it's where I am at today.

I'll have to blame your writing for continuing to conjure me up, and causing me to want to add my voice to the chorus. I continue to find in you a kindred spirit of sorts with whom I feel a certain resonance of thought and expression.

Yet I sense you are much cooler than I. And that's OK.

Mia, I'll have to figure out a way we can chat. Maybe I'll have to break down and send an e-mail to Mr. O. Homie with my e-mail which he can share with you.

And maybe someday the three us can meet up for organic muffin tops at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. My treat.

Mia said...

Anonymous, to this day, nearly two years later, I still reference your comment in conversation. In fact, I JUST did. You never e-mailed O Mo your email addy. Or maybe you did, and he never passed it along. :)