19 June 2010

20,000 Minutes?!

I saw a chewing gum ad at the gym yesterday that claimed the average person spends 20,000 minutes of their life doing...what?

Kissing. My immediate response was to smile and think, "Aw, fun." My immediate response after that was to pout and think, "If that's true, I am woefully behind the curve." Which got me to adding it up in my head.

Let's see...there were a few pecks or dares or whatever in early grade school. That brings me up to...we'll say 10.

Let's see what I can remember about kissing in adulthood (I'll just say I can still count the number of kissing partners on one hand): probably something like 20 minutes (the first kiss), and 45, and that one for like 15 seconds (it wasn't good/right), and that one time for 15 minutes, and then 15, 30, 45, 90, 10, 30...and more I don't remember for sure. I've certainly kissed my way through some boring parts of movies...oh, there was that one 128-minute movie we maybe saw 20 minutes of... I'm pretty sure we were going for a while after the credits were over, too... *distant expression with stupid smile/wry grin* OK, I'm gonna guess it brings me to maybe 450. Oh yeah, that one night...that brings it up to...650, accounting for breaks. Hey, when "going there" (read "below the belt") is simply not an option, you can carry on the sexual tension for hours...4 1/2 hours, for example.

So with possibly a third of my life lived, a ballpark estimate might be 650 minutes. So if that silly 20,000 minutes statistic is accurate, that's 3.25% of the average "lifetime kissing" with ballpark 33% of my life lived. @#$%. BUT the vast majority of that kissing is recent, so maybe I'm catching up with the average? Nope, nope. According to my calculations, if I live to be 90, I need to be averaging 968 minutes every 3 years since my first "real" kiss, which means I'm still a solid 5 hours behind for my first 3 years. And then, if you account for probably much less kissing later in life, I have a lot of catching up to do while I'm still young and have the stamina.

So be warned, whoever ends up being my next kissing partner: I have lost time to make up for. Buy some chapstick.


Mark Johnson said...

Everything about that is perfect.

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

Should I feel bad about hitting 20,000 already? I had to check and make sure you didn't mean 20,000 hours. ;P

Bravone said...

Quality, not quantity :)

Kurt said...

i always found kissing to get boring. so i am probably behind as well. that isnt as slutty as it sounds, much of the time i rather cuddle then taste what you had for dinner

Anonymous said...

20,000 minutes out of a 40,000,000 minute lifetime (76.1 years) is only 0.05%, not 3.25% as you state.

Your math is a bit off.

Original Mohomie said...

Mark - thanks!

GMB - I've heard that about you. ;-)

Bravone - indeed, but...well, quality or not, here's to hoping practice makes perfect.

Kurt - so it's cuddling or sex, eh? As for tasting dinner, I don't think I've experienced that. Gum I've tasted--well, exchanged.

Anonymous mathematician, if you go back and read "lifetime kissing" in the relevant sentence as a compound noun--an awkwardly chosen one, perhaps, but I'm too tired to reconfigure the sentence to be less mistakable--you'll see what I was calculating. Your stat is interesting as well. :-)