Don't Cry For Me

Don't cry for me, please, or try to use me as an example of the misery brought upon mohos by their narrow-minded religion, but please do try to understand what it's like. The few people who read my blog come from some fairly varied perspectives, as far as I can tell, so I realize there are going to be varied reactions.

I would like to sincerely express appreciation for the concern visitors to my blog sometimes show. When I write happily, I sometimes find it hard not to see it as a little insulting or judgemental when people seem to project and think I should be more miserable than I am, so I generally just take it as sincere concern and an understandable reflection of what they, not I, are going through. I'm sure I do the same thing, seeming insensitive to another's sorrow because the experience doesn't pain me as much as it does them. We're limited, genetically flawed humans. It's what we do.

I appreciate your sympathy, your concern, your taking the time to let me know that my experiences and feelings are not entirely silly or invalid, and I do hope some readers cry with me when I write with tear-filled eyes (which has, I'll admit, been rare).

I am currently neither impervious to pain nor wrought with anguish over the conflict between my "religious beliefs" and the decision of what to do with my attractions to members of the same gender. I've experienced some feelings I never expected to, some conflicts I didn't realize I could experience so deeply. Some times have been extremely hard. Those are mostly in the past, as far as I can tell, for now at least, and for which I am grateful.

So cry for me if you will, but I may or may not join you in shedding those tears. Maybe I'll shed a few for you and your sorrow when I perceive that perhaps your reaction is more a reflection of your emotion and experience than of empathy for anything I'm going through. How unfair and hypocritical would it be for me to insist you not cry for me out of respect for what I, not you, go through and then refuse to cry with you when I see that you are so upset by it?