Every once in a while, I just want to be held by someone I care about and who I know cares about me, with no thought of sexuality or arousal. Perhaps my asexual reader...s? can relate. Sometimes, it seems hard to find a good guy-spoon that can just stay a spoon without becoming a spork or more. Damned near impossible, to be honest, among the raging hormones of male youth. But I know it's not impossible, even if it is rare.
It's hard to know who has no ulterior motives, whether sexual, emotional, or otherwise manipulative, for being physically affectionate, other than simply caring about you and wanting to be there for you. Call it lack of trust, but to me, it just seems realistic, based on my experiences. Maybe it shouldn't matter to me so much whether there are mostly or purely sexual motivations for wanting to be close to someone. And maybe I should be less skeptical of people's motives. But for some reason, it does matter, and I just am skeptical, of myself and others.
Sometimes, I think people get the wrong idea when I say things like "I'm skeptical of myself," like I'm a neurotic, conflicted mess who fights with myself all the time and is paralyzed by the fear of my own caged beast. I don't fight myself. Well, I kind of do. But not really. OK, yes I do. No, I don't!
To be honest, when I think about wanting to be held without hearing Barry White (or maybe Elton John?) in the background, there are only two or three friends whom I generally think of in this sense. They are gay, yes, but they are friends with whom there is no sexual interest, as far as I know. Yet, they're fairly attractive guys, I think. What if they weren't? Would they still fit the bill? What about a girl? Would a good female friend do the trick? If not, why? Must be my need for male affirmation, the same need which led me to this awful lack of woman-lust, right? *cough* Sorry, it's hard for me to keep my tongue out of my cheek for long.
Ah well. Sometimes a guy simply could use a good spoon without feeling like he has to put on a figurative chastity belt, that's all.
I wonder how many people I've made feel like they have to put on that chastity belt? Probably at least one that I can think of, dear boy. Love that kid, didn't mean to make him struggle, if he did. There probably are not many, since I feel I'm usually the one putting on the brakes. I'm such a tease. Hey, I've been working on it.
Oh, and though I do like a good spoon, I'm by no means a spoon-slut, and what I'm talking about doesn't have to be a spoon. I mainly mention spooning here because it's more entertaining than just "holding". I haven't gotten (haven't sought) much spoonage since...gosh, last Fall. I've been much more conservative, again, about physical contact with people.
And no thank-you, in advance, to offers to be my "father energy" for therapeutic, "non-sexual" holding. I think I'll hold off on that particular form of intimacy for now. *wink and grin...in a non-flirtatious way, of course*