Every once in a while, I just want to be held by someone I care about and who I know cares about me, with no thought of sexuality or arousal. Perhaps my asexual reader...s? can relate. Sometimes, it seems hard to find a good guy-spoon that can just stay a spoon without becoming a spork or more. Damned near impossible, to be honest, among the raging hormones of male youth. But I know it's not impossible, even if it is rare.
It's hard to know who has no ulterior motives, whether sexual, emotional, or otherwise manipulative, for being physically affectionate, other than simply caring about you and wanting to be there for you. Call it lack of trust, but to me, it just seems realistic, based on my experiences. Maybe it shouldn't matter to me so much whether there are mostly or purely sexual motivations for wanting to be close to someone. And maybe I should be less skeptical of people's motives. But for some reason, it does matter, and I just am skeptical, of myself and others.
Sometimes, I think people get the wrong idea when I say things like "I'm skeptical of myself," like I'm a neurotic, conflicted mess who fights with myself all the time and is paralyzed by the fear of my own caged beast. I don't fight myself. Well, I kind of do. But not really. OK, yes I do. No, I don't!
To be honest, when I think about wanting to be held without hearing Barry White (or maybe Elton John?) in the background, there are only two or three friends whom I generally think of in this sense. They are gay, yes, but they are friends with whom there is no sexual interest, as far as I know. Yet, they're fairly attractive guys, I think. What if they weren't? Would they still fit the bill? What about a girl? Would a good female friend do the trick? If not, why? Must be my need for male affirmation, the same need which led me to this awful lack of woman-lust, right? *cough* Sorry, it's hard for me to keep my tongue out of my cheek for long.
Ah well. Sometimes a guy simply could use a good spoon without feeling like he has to put on a figurative chastity belt, that's all.
I wonder how many people I've made feel like they have to put on that chastity belt? Probably at least one that I can think of, dear boy. Love that kid, didn't mean to make him struggle, if he did. There probably are not many, since I feel I'm usually the one putting on the brakes. I'm such a tease. Hey, I've been working on it.
Oh, and though I do like a good spoon, I'm by no means a spoon-slut, and what I'm talking about doesn't have to be a spoon. I mainly mention spooning here because it's more entertaining than just "holding". I haven't gotten (haven't sought) much spoonage since...gosh, last Fall. I've been much more conservative, again, about physical contact with people.
And no thank-you, in advance, to offers to be my "father energy" for therapeutic, "non-sexual" holding. I think I'll hold off on that particular form of intimacy for now. *wink and grin...in a non-flirtatious way, of course*
6 comments:
I think all of us go through that feeling at one time or another. I know there are times I do; when I want that closeness to a guy friend, without the sexuality in the mix.
But where to find it, and with which friends, who understand that your borders are just as strong as before, that it's just a human being reaching out to another for confirmation.
Tough, tough, tough.
Every once in a while, I just want to be held by someone I care about and who I know cares about me, with no thought of sexuality or arousal. I'm sure my asexual reader...s? can relate.
You're sure? Really?
Cuz I'm not.
In theory, spooning is a cute idea. And if you can find someone spoon-worthy with no ulterior motives, that's great.
If I ever get the opportunity to experience physical affection, I'll appreciate it. But crave it? Ehh, I dunno. I can't say how I'll feel in the future, but right now, the desire to be held is virtually non-existent. (The desire to hold, however... still, it's not enough to act on.)
One last point- you mention other's ulterior motives. What about your own? And could that influence who you'd even consider spooning? If you're only interested in spooning guys, how can you be sure there isn't some latent sexual attraction behind it?
K, did you even read my whole post? Try it again. I did, in fact, mention my own motives, even if they're a secondary concern. That's part of the point of my series of questions.
As for you not identifying, if you say you don't, then OK. Pardon my outlandish presumption. I could swear from past conversations that you have clearly stated a desire to cuddle if only...well, for more explanation, ask me privately because I don't wish to expose anything you don't want exposed.
Incidentally, the longer I go without physical affection of this variety, the more I go back to thinking I don't really need it or even want it, except for relapses here and there. But perhaps that's largely the effect of coping mechanisms. If you're not getting it regardless, or if you've attached negative feelings/experiences to it, believing you don't need it makes not getting it that much easier.
When first discovering how nice affectionate touch is, I may have sought it too much (no, not to the extent some might think), and maybe now the pendulum is back in the other direction, erring on the side of hesitation/caution.
P.S.--I've changed the wording to avoid putting words into anyone's mouth.
Where did you mention it? In the second paragraph? Did you infer it? Sorry if I skimmed past that.
I never said I hadn't wanted to in the past, though my reasons for wanting... well, I think you probably know. If you don't, well... ask me privately because I don't want to expose anything I don't wish to expose. ;-)
Oh, and I forgot to add an AMEN to that paragraph about being skeptical of yourself. Now THAT I can relate to!
This blog was obviously written with me in mind... While I'm flattered at the prospect of spooning with you, Mohomie, I am saving myself for Orlando Bloom. :)
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