23 July 2009


Ha, she saved me the trouble, I guess. I just noticed the girl who I blogged about a few weeks ago has deleted me as a friend on Facebook. Not sure when it happened. Can't say I'm heartbroken over it, but it did elicit mixed feelings.

I'll still try to remember her as the fun-loving goofball I knew a decade ago. But I can't help but feel a tinge of disappointment and sadness that it ended as it did. It would be pretty easy to say that one conversation converted her from thinking I'd be a good match for her friend to thinking I'm a selfish, worthless human being. But hey, maybe she also didn't like my post on Facebook in which I questioned the practice of plural marriage. Or my statuses continually offended her sensibilities. Or maybe she was put off that I never replied to her last comment because I just didn't have anything to say that I thought would be productive.

It would be unfair and overly simplistic, probably, to call this a clear case of blind bigotry and prejudice based on sexual orientation, but I've gotta tell ya: it's taking some effort on my part to not have some hard feelings. Fortunately, I have control over my own attitudes towards others. I can't control how she sees me, and I honestly don't care to re-friend her, at least not for now, but I can control whether I choose to see her as a daughter of God, or as a terrible bigot, or as misinformed, or as possibly right, or as full of pain and fear that causes her to push people away, or...a fellow flawed human being who's right sometimes and wrong sometimes, and it's not always clear which is which. I guess I'll try to go with that one and not demonize her or let a victim complex get me down.

Defriended. I think that's the third or fourth time that I'm aware someone has defriended me on Facebook. ...fortunately, it's never happened from somebody I was terribly disappointed about. If it ever does, you'll probably be hearing about it here in all its emotional devastation. *wink*


Jon said...

So I don't think I had ever read the original post. Crazy. I've never had anyone react to me that way in telling them about my proclivity for men. Ok, every bishop I've ever had has encouraged me to date women, but I've never had a friend try to talk me out of it. You've got me thinking, is it because I naturally gravitate towards people who are more understanding on the topic of homosexuality? Most of my closest friends are more liberal minded (whatever that means). Anyway, I'm sure it's hard not to judge her with the same harshness that she's judged you. People are funny with their assumptions that they know what's best for others.

Anonymous said...

Well, the Lord taketh away and the Lord giveth.

Consider yourself officially "friended" by an anonymous person who has really enjoyed reading your blog--and has come to appreciate the good mind and heart you reveal here.

D-Train said...

I forwarded your post onto my most right-wing Evangelical friend, and even she thought that post was ridiculous where you exchanged emails with that girl. I think you are better off without here. For people like her, there is only one thing we can hope for: that she has a gay son someday.

Mike James said...

I can't tell you how many facebook friends I have lost for this same issue. I had about 350 friends when I came out of the closet on fb. Most of them knew, but now that it was public, I lost a staggering amount of friends.

I'm a byu graduate (2000) who has faced some pronounced difficulties since my junior year at byu. I want to talk with you further.

Mike James - American Fork
consider yourself friended by an awesome stud. Look for me on fb.

blj1224 said...

Don't be too hard on her. Her upbringing most likely conditioned her to see things in black and white, good and bad terms and taught her to fear being influenced by more "liberal" points of view. It's not likely she's a bad person; she just lacks the ability to think differently about a situation she's been taught to see only one way. Time and life experiences will probably help her develop greater understanding if she doesn't force herself to live in a protective bubble. Just try to understand and forgive her. That's what you always do in these situations.