29 April 2007

Evergreen Brings Out the Straight in Me

Went to an Evergreen fireside tonight. I enjoy them well enough, but I can't tell you how seared onto my eardrums the word "change" is now. While it's great to have goals and to be open to change and actively seek certain changes at certain times, it's just a turn-off for me to hear "change" SO much. And seriously, Evergreen meetings shouldn't turn you off...

Part of me wants to maintain business as usual, with friends both original recipe and moho style and occasional attractions to be flirty with but not pursue anything. I'm honestly pretty content right now.

But part of me also wants to find a wife someday to be a companion and with whom to raise children, though I must admit it's quite possibly more appealing in theory than when I think about actually doing it. But still, it's not hard to picture myself doing the family thing. And yet when I hear someone pushing "change" and "journeying into manhood", while I do see value in those things, part of me wants to shrug and walk out the door and tell them to keep their change.

On the other hand, I'm not one to say, "I'm not broken! I don't need to be fixed!" I'm probably cracked and bruised here and there. I can acknowledge I may have hit some bump in development that caused this. OK. And to "change" might actually be to simply "revert" back to how I should have been all along, had development gone as it was supposed to. I get that.

And I appreciated what the speaker said about how most people really need to not skip right to exorcising the gay out but to first remove roadblocks such as perfectionism, depression, OCD, addiction, or whatever before the natural process of emotional development can play out like it should, and the "change" desired by so many can then come somewhat naturally. That makes sense to me.

Yet I couldn't help but hear an undertone, "I changed, lots of men change, so if you haven't changed, you just need to try harder, and one day, you could be a normal human being, too." Even if that IS true, is there another way to approach it? Maybe not? Regardless, it was an interesting talk.

One thing I can say for Evergreen is that there are few times I feel straighter. Not sure what it is. And tonight I felt as straight as I've felt for a long time when I saw the brunette hottie towards the front of the chapel. And this hottie happens to be


I know, I know, revoke my certification if you will, but I actually thought, "I could date her. I could actually ask her out and maybe enjoy doing so. I hope she's just a supportive friend." This, of course, was more motivational towards change than actually listening to the talk. (No offense to the speaker; it's just that he's not a gorgeous brunette.) But after a brief introduction, she was whisked away by her friends. It was not meant to be.

Well...that one kid with the brown suit and blue shirt was kinda cute...

...back to being a homo.


Danish Boy said...

You know what, that girl was very beautiful and I wished we could have had more time to visit. I think that there was a pretty big bubble around her group of friends and we might have been invading it. Oh well who knows. btw where was this guy with the brown suit?

Original Mohomie said...

Yeah, they seemed a little awkward. Maybe it was when SOMEONE asked them how they found out about the fireside. That's basically akin to saying, "So...which of you are gay?" :-)

So the guy with the brown suit...you didn't notice him? Oh, man. What a hottie. And that tie! Hawt! But he kind of ran away afterwards, so I didn't really get to talk to him. Maybe someday...

Danish Boy said...

Hey Man at least I was trying to talk to them. You weren't even going to talk with them were ya?! And btw it was pretty obvious who was there for what we're dealing with. Please tell me you could tell. Anyways they were in a rush to leave and I was trying to stall them because I knew how much it meant to you to meet the gorgeous brunette so I hope that you can forgive me. I tried.:-)

by a thread said...

LOL! You Mohomie have to be the funniest blogger on the block. I haven't had many Evergreen experiences as you know. I would like to chat sometime to learn more from you, and your experiences. I was thinking more about the "change" part you mentioned. Also, would like to know more about this exclusive "journey" weekend. :)

Greg said...

I'm going to be brazen here and defend our rapid exit - we were simply on our way out. The fact is this night was sort of a reunion for my mohomie and I so we wanted some time to catch up. We were on our way out and some guys - being you guys - stopped us to chat. I think it might have been more appropriate to chat while we still had cookies and punch clutched tightly in our hands. But really we weren't trying to be clique-ey or run away, we were just sort of on our way out. You all seemed like nice people and we commented later that it would have been nice to stay and chat - but again we were on our way out. And just to clear up any confusion, 4 of the five of us are 'family' One of the hot brunettes is, in fact, a supporter, but she's married - sorry. For further details on the alleged fleeing of the newcomers, please feel free to contact me! I was the on in brown pants, glasses, and if I do say so myself (and I do) an utterly fantastic tie.

Original Mohomie said...

LOL, well, By a Thread, we must converse more. It's a date. Well, not a date because we don't play that way, but a...a MANdate. As for "journeys," I'm no "JIM-dandy", as I like to call them, but I know people who know people... (No offense intended to JIM-dandies, by the way. Some of my best friends are JIM-dandies.)

Greg, good to see you here. Go fig. One of the awkward bunch is a blogger too. What a crazy little world this is. As for the really hot guys who stopped you in the hallway, you have no proof it was us! But it might have been. I must say I don't remember your tie, though. I was too busy being awkward and wondering who was family.

As for your brunette bombshell friends, all I have to say is: all the hot ones are either married or gay!

Danish Boy said...

It's so amazing how connected this blogger world is. Greg I'm glad you clarified things. I felt bad for totally "outing" your friend in front of complete strangers. I guess I am quite forward sometimes. Well I hope that you had fun catching up with your mohomie.

Isaac said...

I'm Greg's mohomie. The bombshell (if we are thinking about the same one) and I go way back to when her married sister was trying to set us up before my mission. Turns out we're both gay and we serendipitously ran into each other at the Evergreen fireside after over four years of being incommunicado.

Oh, and no worries Danish Boy. You weren't "outing me." All there knew of my sexual orientation. I think the reason I may have acted embarrased or awkward is because my personal idealogy doesn't nessecarily jive with Evergreen, and I was hesitant to make a comment that seemed like I was very involved with Evergreen.

Good to meet you. It was quite funny to come across your blog. I discovered it through TitoTimes, and have enjoyed reading your posts.

Greg said...

Though I do, in fact, blog, my blog is not mohado - if i may Spanglify the term. isaac actually showed me the post, and we were most entertained.
Now, we're wondering which of the brunette bombshells was the one that caught your eye.
Also, we're all really quite socially adept people, our awkward foray in the hall was just an enigmatic wrinkle in the fabric of social...whatever. Hopeufully we'll one day all have a chance to redeem ourselves.

Original Mohomie said...

Thanks for the comments, Isaac. It was good to meet you, too.

Greg: No need to redeem yourselves, my moho. To be honest, of all the awkwardness at EG meetings, yours was mild.

The bombshell to whom I referred was the one with the turqoise top. She caught my attention from the beginning of the fireside. It was a little unusual for me that of all the people there, it was a GIRL who most caught my attention. Go fig.

I'll admit I did notice the two pretty good-looking chaps in front of her, spread out across the bench as if to say, "we're not 'together'," but I'm sorry guys--she outdid you. *wink*

P.S. -- Spanglify away. "Mohado"...that's beautiful.