What I wrote in sacrament meeting this last Sunday:
I almost didn't go to church today after sleeping in and lacking a lot of motivation, but I decided, last minute, to find a late sacrament meeting. After exploring for quite a while, I finally found one.
[A girl whose name shall be ommitted] from Brazil just set my mind on a really interesting track. Until she walked up front to bear her testimony, my eyes were mostly on the guys in the ward. Oh, there are many beautiful people in the ward, but only one gender was really catching my interest, and it wasn't the "opposite" one. OK, not entirely true. I did notice a few of each, and there were actually a few girls who caught my interest during the meeting, but funny enough, the most captivating person--once he started speaking--was possibly the bishop's councilor. Dang. Married. With kids. Can't want that. Oh well, I can just enjoy beauty without coveting it.
But [this girl] walked towards the front, and I could not take my eyes off of her. Her face, her hair, her dress, the way she walked. Class, style, elegance, humility, confidence... When it was her turn at the pulpit, her testimony and general demeanor and countenance matched or exceeded her physical beauty. Her testimony was simple, sincere, and beautiful. Her clothing was stylish and modest. Her hair was long and silky brown. She shared a personal story about her little sister, and I was captivated by the genuine, uplifting simplicity of her story, her words, her expression. I wanted, in that moment, nothing else but to get to know her better, to get closer physically as well as emotionally, and I wanted to give everything a chance to "blossom", if you will. In short, I was captivated.
I thought, "Yeah, but once she's done, the guys will all take center stage again, and she'll be lost in a sea of strong jaw lines and athletic-framed muscularity." But unlike the usual reaction, I didn't want them to. I didn't want the guys to drown her out. And what's more -- they didn't. Even long after she sat down, I knew that if I could ask out one person in that ward, I wanted it to be her. She's considerably younger than I am, I'm afraid, and I can't imagine she's not already taken, but maybe it's worth going against everything I believe about dating younger girls for the sake of simply dating a girl at all.
Well, then this other girl who had eyed me a couple of times from across the room got up to bear her testimony. I don't like to critique people's testimonies, so without going into detail, she said and did some terribly girly things, and I almost lost any taste for everything feminine. Then I thought of [the Brazilian girl], and the hetero kicked right back into gear. And I liked it.
Maybe I'll go to that ward again...
Oh, I did pay attention in church, too, and it was actually one of the best sacrament meetings I've been to in a LONG time, not just an interestingly hetero episode.