I've thought about commenting on this before, but I didn't want to alienate anyone or hurt those who are going through genuinely emotionally difficult times. But I just have to say: male homos tend to be hypersensitive and emotional compared to their "straight" counterparts, and it can get really old after a while.
I hope it doesn't sound like I'm harping or belittling in saying this, though. Many of you are going through pains I am not and may not fully understand. You are suffering, and some of that suffering comes out in your conversation. I mean no disrespect to your pain or your frustrations. They are real, and they deserve respect. I'm just stating my frustration.
I have several "straight" friends, and I find it remarkably refreshing to hang out with them in one aspect in particular: the marked drop in drama. I'd like to experience that with my not-so-"straight" friends as well, but maybe that's asking too much?
To be honest, I don't think gay men are doing themselves a favor at all when they start bickering in tones of adolescent insecurity. It certainly does little for the defense that we are just as emotionally and/or mentally healthy as the next guy. Most people would, correct or not, take it as a sure sign we are, in fact, nothing of the sort.
There are some interesting--even fascinating--discussions here in the moho blog world. I enjoy open, frank discussions. But I find the emotionality fascinating in the train wreck sense. Maybe it's just because most bloggers all know each other better than I do? So it truly is a more "personal" discussion for them than it is for me? I just don't understand the apparent hypersensitivity I see in some of these discussions. The thinly-disguised jabs. The insults trying to pass as wit. I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for the people who feel the need to constantly resort to that, or tell them to grow up and be respectful of others even in disagreement, or to laugh at the comedy of it, like an emotional version of a Three Stooges routine.
I mean, adults everywhere get defensive and act and speak in immature and disrespectful ways. It's certainly not unique to people who experience homosexual attractions. But it's the prevalence of the insecure, overreactive, pubescent adolescent tone that wears on me after a while.
So are we mostly mature adults, men, or are we allowing ourselves to be dominated by our insecure, adolescent personas, especially in the blog world where it feels like we're somehow less accountable or more masked? Sometimes I wonder.
8 comments:
"So are we mostly mature adults, men...?
Yeah...mostly...
lol, I deliberately geared this one towards the men. I'm not sure how much of an issue it is among our female counterparts. Not enough experience in that arena. :-)
I guess I should stick to my motto of "save the drama for your mama . . ."
In my experience gay guys with boyfriends seem to need less drama. Maybe there's something about being single that makes guys less stable. Has anyone else noticed this difference?
I've noticed that difference.
There's definitely something about being in a committed relationship that makes people, in general, more stable. ...OR that person then keeps most of the drama in the relationship, so anyone outside of the relationship doesn't see it as much. And being involved in a relationship, as long as it's not especially unhealthy, often masks, glosses over, or sometimes even actually helps resolve many insecurities, so the emotionality drops, at least temporarily.
But maybe it's not all about insecurity anyway. I just noted a correlation. I don't claim to know the reasons for said drama.
I still don't see the same marked volitility and "drama" in most of my single, opposite-sex-attracted male friends.
Emotional security/stability may or may not come from having a boyfriend. I think it has a lot to do with healing from the wounds we suffer growing up gay.
I'm not trying to make this sound like "Poor me!" or "Poor us!" I'm just saying, many of us (most of us? all of us?) have gotten strong messages that because of our gayness we are seriously defective. Not just physically and/or mentally but spiritually defective. That tends to take a toll on peoples' sense of security. I've heard some folks refer to this as "oppression sickness."
I've heard other people complain about homos being oversensitive... I would just hope this doesn't get added to the refrain of "something is wrong with you/us." We need to give ourselves room to heal.
I do wish folks could tone it down sometimes on the blogs... When things start getting hot, I tend to drop off.
My observation is that gay men tend to be very emotional in more positive ways too -- in terms of empathy, caring, nurture.
J G-W, I really appreciate your thoughts on this. I debate with myself whether so many of us are sensitive and emotional as an inborn trait or whether we become that way because of our environment and the pressure and alienation many of us feel because we're "different".
I'm naturally a pretty sensitive guy and was very sensitive as a kid. I've learned to cope in ways that work for me, though. It's troublesome to me when I see grown men who are still so easily hurt that they lash out emotionally when confronted or questioned. There's not much progress to be found in such reactions.
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