***Published, unfinished, 16 Oct 2010***
Talking with a friend at the gym, he seemed somehow detached. Disinterested. He talked about not understanding being torn. If you don't have enough reason to stay in the church, don't. For work, be selfish and do what you enjoy. You don't have to support a family, so why worry about that? Find what you're good at and what you love doing and do it.
Talking with another acquaintance, he talked about something from the other night at the club, and he said, "Why not? You only live once."
You only live once. Do what you enjoy. It dawned on me: as much sense as those lines make in a certain context and in a certain frame of mind, something inside of me tells me there's just something more to life and making decisions.
I realized that this is why some people are so confusing to me, like when they jump into the gay world but won't be seen in public. Maybe they're not acting out of awareness of how their decisions will impact those around them but out of what "feels right" in the moment. While I need to learn to let go of my analyses more, I don't want to be like that. I think there's far too much more to consider in life than what feels right to me at any given moment. There are consequences to foresee, people to consider, reality of truth even when you don't feel motivated by it. That goes either way, incidentally, in most cases. I'm not just talking about "gospel" truths here.