Marriage With a Girl? Not Now

Maybe, if a day comes when I have a firmer "testimony" of god-sanctioned male-female marriage or see things from a more mature perspective, I'll more readily choose the lesser attraction for the eternal blessings of doing so and the happiness I will then be convinced it would bring her and me. Until then...

Maybe I just haven't met the "right girl", the one to whom I'll actually experience a fuller attraction to. I mean, I can think of probably half a dozen people I've been attracted to enough to consider a relationship with, and seriously, that's not a huge pool of people. So you never know, right? Until then....

I tend not to say things which could be construed as "negative" because they're often passing thoughts which are, I think, fairly tempered. Still, my occasional spark of desire for marriage or dating girls is quite fleeting, yet I post that because many gay mormons seem to avoid acknowledging having such desires. But amidst recent talk of marriage and relationships, and the fact that I've mainly been expressing sparks of hope of finding such a relationship, I thought some balance was in order. At the risk of rocking the marriage bandwagon and flip-flopping, I'll just go ahead and say that recently, at least, I felt only disinterest and some bitterness towards the very idea of doing so myself, and now I'm back to a sort of bland, detached acceptance of the possibility.

Maybe it's because of recent events in my own life and feeling the exhilaration of mutual attraction and how different it feels from anything I've felt with a girl. But whatever the reason, this is not a fun thing to have to work on wanting...