09 December 2007

Marriage With a Girl? Not Now

Maybe, if a day comes when I have a firmer "testimony" of god-sanctioned male-female marriage or see things from a more mature perspective, I'll more readily choose the lesser attraction for the eternal blessings of doing so and the happiness I will then be convinced it would bring her and me. Until then...

Maybe I just haven't met the "right girl", the one to whom I'll actually experience a fuller attraction to. I mean, I can think of probably half a dozen people I've been attracted to enough to consider a relationship with, and seriously, that's not a huge pool of people. So you never know, right? Until then....

I tend not to say things which could be construed as "negative" because they're often passing thoughts which are, I think, fairly tempered. Still, my occasional spark of desire for marriage or dating girls is quite fleeting, yet I post that because many gay mormons seem to avoid acknowledging having such desires. But amidst recent talk of marriage and relationships, and the fact that I've mainly been expressing sparks of hope of finding such a relationship, I thought some balance was in order. At the risk of rocking the marriage bandwagon and flip-flopping, I'll just go ahead and say that recently, at least, I felt only disinterest and some bitterness towards the very idea of doing so myself, and now I'm back to a sort of bland, detached acceptance of the possibility.

Maybe it's because of recent events in my own life and feeling the exhilaration of mutual attraction and how different it feels from anything I've felt with a girl. But whatever the reason, this is not a fun thing to have to work on wanting...

4 comments:

Abelard Enigma said...

this is not a fun thing to have to work on wanting

A gay guy should enter into a heterosexual marriage only if it feels right. If it is something you are constantly having to work on wanting, then the relationship is doomed to fail - IMOHO.

Thank you, you've helped me clarify my thoughts on this.

Max Power said...

I've "worked on wanting" that for many years now. In my soon to be 35 years of single life, I can only successfully name 2 girls that I have truely been attracted to. I don't say that to mean I never notice a girl as being pretty or attractive, I mean those that I have had a physical AND social attraction to - the kind that makes you pause and actually consider the whole marriage thing.

It's not fun to work on this one, so I don't anymore. I figure, if it truely is in the Lord's plan, then it will happen. If not, then it won't. Why should I try to force something that's completely in His hands? I just keep on living the way I am, trying to become a better person after the personal struggles I've had over this past year. Make things right between yourself and the Lord and He will take care of the rest.

Abelard Enigma said...

if it truely is in the Lord's plan, then it will happen

I think that is the only healthy way to deal with this.

It's kind of the opposite of what we're taught at church where guys are supposed to be actively engaged in finding an eternal companion; but, we're not exactly cast from the perfect peter priesthood mold. And, it's not fair to a sister for a guy to marry her out of a sense of duty without any real attraction to her.

Chris W. said...

I can relate. Now is not the right time for me either. Who knows if it will ever be?