There's a question I've been curious about for a very long time: if a gay man and a gay woman get married, would you still call that a "mixed orientation" marriage? Or might you just call it "doomed"? ;-)
Note in response to comments: despite my cheekiness and what many people do believe about them, I don't believe they're doomed and didn't intend for this post to be any kind of assault. See comments for more info and a link to a blog by such a couple.
12 comments:
We don't call it "doomed", but I just posted about it on my blog because we would love to know it's actual name so that we can find support materials for our unique situation.
Please remember that when you call someone's marriage doomed...
http://thirdwavemormon.blogspot.com/2010/01/fear.html
We're not just online people. We are real people with real feelings. Our relationship may be unique, but we love one another and are committed to making it work for as long as we are both happy.
Maybe in the end it will be "doomed," but I don't think that makes it invalid. We're willing to work at it for as long as it brings us happiness. Most of the time I am optimistic and at peace with things. Posts such as these just leave me feeling shameful and scared.
Ha! Ok, this one made me laugh out loud. And my roommates looked at me like I was crazy.
I found some! I found some! ...apparently others found you way before I did. Thanks for stopping by. I knew there had to be such pairings out there, but I've never personally known any that I was aware of.
I don't think your relationship is doomed at all! This post was totally tongue-in-cheek (as most of my short ones are). After reading the trials and challenges of marriages with one same-sex-attracted spouse, it got me thinking again about how the dynamics might be different with two such.
I left a comment on Mr. Curie's post, Mutually Mismatched Orientation Marriages, which explains a bit more of where this came from.
Sorry for the unintended emotional reaction! Carry on with my support! :-)
I CANNOT believe you would be so insensitive and then try the lame recovery! Just joking.
Seriously though, I hate the name mixed orientation marriage. It sounds like something inherently broken, which, some do believe. I've thought of starting a contest to come up with a better sounding, more affirming name.
Since you're on a roll, why don't you give it a try OHMO?
Bravone, Therapist Joe Kort calls them New Mixed Marriages. http://www.joekort.com/joekort_the_new_mixed_marriage.htm
Mr. and Mrs. Curie totally make sense now! I've seen them commenting around the mohosphere for a couple months and I was sooooo confused about which spouse was gay. Surprise, surprise!
Sorry for the freak-out, OMoHo. It was just an emotional day for me, so your post sent me over the edge. I know you weren't trying to be insensitive. My apologies!!
I've always found the term "Mixed Orientation Marriage" to be a bit odd. My wife is attracted to men - and I'm attracted to men. Shouldn't that mean we have a Same Orientation Marriage?
Actually, I've always felt lesbianism was a different sexual orientation from gay male homosexuality. So I think it still qualifies as mixed...
I actually knew a couple years ago in this situation. It actually made a lot of sense to me really -- a lot more sense than a gay man marrying a straight woman, or a lesbian marrying a straight man. I mean, wouldn't it take a lot of the pressure off in terms of sexual expectations? You could just focus on the companionship.
I mean, if I were going to be celibate, why not marry a lesbian who also wants to be celibate? At least you have the benefit of a friendship that could turn out to be truly wonderful...
As far as what to call it...? Folks, let me put my two cents out there. Let's legalize same sex marriage. And then let's just call marriage "marriage." You marry who you want, and you accept the limitations and the blessings of that relationship, and you call it marriage. End of story.
Doomed...
Doomed...
Doomed...
Doomed...
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I hate the name mixed orientation marriage. ... I've thought of starting a contest to come up with a better sounding, more affirming name.
I've always found the term "Mixed Orientation Marriage" to be a bit odd. My wife is attracted to men - and I'm attracted to men. Shouldn't that mean we have a Same Orientation Marriage?
Let's see...
homo (latin for same) and...
sexual, 'cause we're attracted to the same sex?
So it's a homosexual marriage!
(Which makes the Mister/Madame Curie marriage a plain ol' heterosexual marriage, I'm afraid...)
Do I win the contest? :D
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