My previous post, Sexualized Attraction, is related to another discussion going on in the online group at the time I posted it. I've included some of those comments along with additional thoughts, so this entry is a hybrid of old and new ramblings:
I've seen other mohos say they're surprised how diminished an attraction has become when they actually get to know the object of their affection, and the object becomes a person. I've experienced the same thing. Heck, it happened at the last shindig at the Matises' (no offense to the hottie of whom I speak, who probably will never read this anyway *wink*). And yet I've questioned, isn't that pretty much what happens anyway, gay or straight? You want most what you can't have or what is, in your ignorance, able to be idealized, and when you get it, it's not the fantasy you might have pictured, and reality sets in. It doesn't mean the attraction wasn't real and romantic. I think most of us have also experienced the opposite, where the more you get to know the object of your affection, the more attractive they become. But most people aren't going to connect that well with everyone, so the majority of attractions probably will diminish as you get to know the person and realize you don't mesh as well as you'd hope but can still be friends.
As for getting to know someone you're attracted to (thereby alleviating the sexual tension created by your overactive idealizing imagination when reality stifles your passion), I think I tend to err towards excessive caution. I have, at times, over-focused on the attraction until it has interfered with the development of perfectly healthy friendships with other guys. When I was younger, I wasn't good at relating to other guys at all. Then, before my mission, I got better at it, and by a year or so after my mission, I really felt like one of the guys like never before.
But when I really faced my attraction to members of the same sex and began to deal with it head-on, my ability to develop those friendships seemed to freeze a bit for a while. I could still have and make guy friends to an extent, mind you, but I was letting the whole "when will homosexual feelings or prejudices about homosexuality come into play?" attitude stifle normal interactions. I probably still do sometimes. I've become more comfortable with "straight" guys again. Now, it's more a matter of remembering how hetero guys relate and interact fairly differently from homos. *grin*
I may have a tendency to be cautious, but on the other hand, I'm no longer afraid of my attraction to other guys. Call me past feeling, if you will, but I figure attraction is something I don't necessarily always have control of, so if I happen to find myself becoming so physically attracted that I'm likely to make an idiot of myself, I just back off and take a mental cold shower. Don't ask how.
And there has been the very occasional friend I wished wasn't so freaking hot so I could hang out with them without always wanting a striptease (though I've never felt that way with my closer friends...maybe because I only let myself get close to the less hot ones? *wry grin*). But even with the freaking hot ones, the more I hang out with them in small groups where we actually interact, the less I want to shove money in their G-string and the more I begin to think of them in a fraternal sense. It hasn't always worn off completely, but it becomes more manageable.
So back to the earlier question: is it really that different for heteros? I'm not so sure it is. Maybe a hetero could comment on this...if any ever find, let alone read, my blog. *wink*