21 November 2007

Choosing Sides

***Posted ex post facto on 15 Oct 2010***

Maybe I can't just choose a side because I've never fully jumped into the 'out and proud' side enough to compare and contrast accurately with the 'gospel living' side, but I'm just not comfortable playing the "cling as tightly for as long as you can until it drives you batty and you swing back to the other extreme" game.

The people I know who do that...I don't "get" them, to be honest. On one hand, they seem so much more deeply desirous for male partnership than me, and on the other hand, they're inexplicably "churchy" and ultra-conservative. Most of them have "acted out" far more than I ever have. Most of them have done the gay clubbing thing. Most of them have enveloped themselves in the gay crowd.

But could it be BECAUSE of that fact that they feel the need to run so thoroughly away? Could it be that because they've never practiced moderation in their lifestyle, they disregard one or the other extreme and everything in between?

I just am not comfortable around people who seem to be so completely devoted to churchy living as possible and yet seem deeply divided and conflicted, almost to the point of it oozing out their pores. I love some of these people. Some are my friends. And they SAY they're happiest this way. They say this way of living brings them the most peace. And yet, they're seeing therapists and avoiding even mildly tempting situations because they're seemingly scared to death of themselves, or because they feel like they won't be able to control themselves given the opportunity to have any degree of physical contact. That is, in my opinion, no way to live.

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