29 April 2008

Why Be Friends When You Can Just Have Sex?

Addendum (AKA damage control): the statement in the first paragraph was misrepresented as originally written. Upon re-reading the entry and reviewing that evening in my mind, I've realized my own mood and disappointments colored the comment, and I connected meaning to it that may not have been there. I also originally decided to simplify the story, but simplification isn't worth leaving someone feeling completely misrepresented, even if I didn't say who it was, so I have revised this entry in an attempt to represent it at least somewhat more accurately.


Reminder #3,593 how I'm just not normal.

During a conversation with a few gay friends, one asked who each of us would most want to have sex with out of the people present. I was tired, and the question seemed crude and juvenile to me, and I refused to answer at first, but when pressed, I was the stick in the mud and answered seriously: I said none, but if I had to choose, it would have to be the person I knew best, because I just couldn't enjoy sex like I'd want without trust and a real connection. Everyone else seemed to have an answer, and one said something like, "Well, there are people you want to have sex with, and there are people you want to know." This person may read this entry, and if you do, I still love you, but due to my already-disgusted mood that evening and the thoughts I (probably incorrectly) associated with it, that statement was quite a turn-off. I realize the question was posed mostly out of lighthearted fun, and the answers weren't meant to be a deep exploration. I don't think he meant he actually would be physically intimate with someone he didn't have a real connection with.

Nevertheless, I had been facing the disappointing realization more than ever that most guys do seem to think along those lines to some extent. And don't get me wrong--I also totally see a hotty and think, "Oh my gosh, pass me the whipped cream. NOW." The thing is, when I think about actually following through with that, it kind of grosses me out, and I think, "No way. Not without dinner and some really good conversation first." *tongue in cheek* The sad part is, I then look at the random hotty and most often realize I don't have much interest in conversation with him, based on initial appearances, so carrying through with the whole physical thing probably wouldn't stand a chance, and I move along with my day. Of course, that doesn't keep me from biting my knuckle at said hotness and wishing there were personality to back that up so I'd be more tempted...'cause it's fun to be tempted...no, temptation bad!

But many things I've seen and heard confirm every disgusting stereotype about the pigs men are, and I feel like an oddity, an anomaly of sorts. I realize this is probably sounding like a preachfest, and that's totally not how I mean it to come across. I mean, that's the quickest way to kill the fun of a flippant post. I'm simply stating my observations here, actions, behaviors, and attitudes. And I realize I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm just really turned off to trying to pursue anything with a guy if this is what most of us are about.

Maybe I should just stick with girls. Gosh! OK, I'll start dating girls...next weekend. Oh, I'm busy all weekend. OK, maybe the next weekend. Oh shoot, busy that weekend, too. Too bad...

6 comments:

The Impossible K said...

Ooh, I'm biting my tongue (fingers?) real hard here...
Honestly, you should be proud to feel like an "anomaly" in this case. I apologize if this might offend any mohos out there, but bigots totally feed off this kind of behavior. It's a double standard -yes- but a question like "Which stranger would you have sex with?" is unquestionably immoral and wrong wrong wrong...
I'm equally disgusted when straight men talk like this, or anyone from any orientation really. Reading this post was a real downer for me (you can imagine why, I'm sure). The only way I could refrain from crying or vomiting was the thought that hopefully, God-willing, there are still a few "abnormal" guys that don't think of humping the first hottie with a nice can.

A Girl You Know said...

hehe. You're totally normal... for a girl!

Actually, I've known girls that are the type you're complaining about here too.

But really (at least for me) there is no desire at all for sex unless the personality, and the real intimacy, are there to back it up. Without the whole package... what's the point?

Original Mohomie said...

Well, it feels good and is really fun, right? That's the point. Good, clean, recreational fun. ???

A Girl You Know said...

But (excuse my candor), why not then just masterbate? At least that way you're not involving anyone else's emotions, health, or spirituality...

Original Mohomie said...

You know, I know we're not "supposed to" condone such activities, but I'd actually rather know people were masturbating than to see a bunch of slutting around and listen to people say, "I just couldn't help myself" or blaming promiscuity on horniness. But I'm just not sure the one would really substitute for the other, so maybe it doesn't make a difference. I don't know...maybe we should find some slutty people and conduct an experiment. Ew, no, I think there are one or two things I'd rather research than that. I'll let someone else do that pioneering study. :-)

A Girl You Know said...

Heard of Kinsy?