13 October 2010
Less alone by myself
I've realized a couple of times in the last few weeks something which I'd kind of forgotten or hadn't thought of in these terms. As I've needed space and time away to just be with my thoughts, without distractions or the pressure to be upbeat when I'm having a tough day, or the reminders of how newly different I am from people close to me, or of recent losses, I've retreated a few times to natural settings away from the expectations, observations, and contrasts of other humans. And in those moments of contrast, under the silent, star-filled sky at the mouth of a canyon in Provo near dawn, or enveloped in the serene sound of gentle rain on a small lake surrounded by trees in the Seattle area at dusk, I've felt less alone all by myself, surrounded by nature.
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4 comments:
Yep, I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes turning off my phone and not checking blogs or facebook is exactly what I need. And I've come to realize that being okay with being alone is a good skill to have.
Because you aren't alone. Nature is very much alive. It is fueled by the same thing which gives you life.
I love "less alone by myself" time.
Yeah, and I have a few theories on what it is about that time that brings me peace. I think a lot of it is perspective, removing myself from the comparison and contrast games I let myself get wrapped up in when juxtaposed with other people, even (or especially) those I care about, witnessing a greater picture of life as a whole, seeing cycles of life in action and hoping my concerns are just part of that interconnected cycle, having a universe before me to remind me how small I am, just like everyone and everything else here, and how relatively insignificant my worries may turn out to be (heck, our star could explode, or a comet could strike, then my little worries might seem piddly, or on the flipside, the earth has been turning around for longer than I can conceive, and people have been living happy lives with greater problems than mine, so I'll be OK, and we're all finding our way through the best we know how and have our own unique internal worlds and are both inextricably interconnected and intensely individual whether we like it [or know it] or not, or hey, this lake, and the trees just "are" and its OK to just "be" sometimes without the longing for whatever I think I want but don't have...that sort of thing), the refreshing feeling (even if an illusion) of seeing some semblance of predictable order in the chaos and knowing I'm somehow a part of that, stripping myself of familiar contexts to think with fewer boundaries and more clarity as to what I believe and want...it's just good. :-)
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