Maybe it has something to do with decompartmentalizing my life more, but I've been getting tired of dragging this whole "coming out" thing out and therefore always having it more on my mind because there's someone new whose questions I'm answering, someone new to consider telling, another fallout to consider.
The fact is, I did need to wait until I had the energy to handle the questions and counsel and feedback and deal with potential fallout, but the other fact is, there has been less fallout, so far, than I might have expected, and just getting it out of the way with most everyone close to me and moving on with life has felt good.
Now, my life seems to be moving back towards being one whole as opposed to fractured compartments. I feel more integrated, internally. And I feel like the decisions I make are made more openly, with eyes wider open.
2 comments:
I have to say that feeling of integration is really, really good. I've enjoyed having it. I just wish I could feel comfortable sharing it with more of my friends that I want to, like Hyrum, although he's showing me more and more how 'phobic he is.
I recently intentionally told a really gossipy friend of mine because I was tired of having to come out to everyone. I figured since I had told the important people myself, I could let the others find out through the grapevine. I really wish I could just be open about it, but I fear the added scrutiny at BYU.
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