27 February 2008

Brother's Questions

Not long ago, I told my parents and one brother (and his wife) about my homoliciousness. Since then, we've spoken about it some, fairly openly, in fact. My older, married brother occasionally asks me questions. I had told them I don't want to talk incessantly about it but they were allowed two or three questions at a time. He's taken me up on that a few times, usually starting with something like, "OK, my first of my three allowed questions..." I thought I would share a small sampling of my brother's questions:

Question: Explain something to me: you've said you could see yourself making it work with a girl, even if it wouldn't be as fulfilling as it might be with a guy. But I can't even begin to think I could be with a guy romantically or sexually. It's just not in my comprehension. So how does that work?
Answer: Well, some people would probably argue everyone's meant to be heterosexual, so what I experience is a deviation from the norm and I therefore have remnants of normality. But I'd also argue that you'd definitely be able to imagine being with a guy if you grew up in a culture where homosexuality was the norm, and you spent most of your life looking forward to someday finding your partner but wondering why you just didn't seem to be as into guys as other guys and why girls caught your interest so much. Imagining being with a girl is certainly nothing new to me. I was raised to think that way.

Question: I think I have a pretty good gaydar, but you don't set off my gaydar, except knowing how little you've dated and how much opportunity you've had. Is it safe to assume there are a lot of people who are just not stereotypical who I just don't notice?
Answer: Yup. We're everywhere. At least a couple in every ward. Probably more in many wards. The guy who likes sports and seems almost comically homophobic might be. Male ward organists. A fair portion of the BYU Men's Chorus. Don't get me started on how I've heard of BYU Men's Chorus members making the rounds... Oh, and BYU Young Ambassadors (a ...flamboyant broadway-ish music/dance performing group)? Yeah, total red flag, even if they're not particularly femmy. Probably most of them are unusually fond of men. As for more stereotypical, that effeminate guy in the ward you've always thought would be gay if he weren't married: he's probably just gay AND married.

Question: That friend who picked you up at our house one time. Was he one of the two you mentioned as having been romantic?
Answer: Yeah, he was. But by then, we had already curbed the romantic side of things, but that may have been the first we'd seen each other since I moved away. So...yeah...there was probably some excitement to see each other again.
His Response:: Oh good! Our 'dars aren't totally broken. 'Cause I have to tell you, [Sister-in-law] and I both noticed something different there. When you left, I looked at her and asked, "Did they--"
She said, "Yup!"
"--seem like a couple to you?"
Then we both shrugged it off.
My response: Yeah, I thought it was obvious. Good job on that one.

Question: How do you meet other guys who deal with this? Are you sitting in a PPI with your Elder's Quorum president, and just say, "Hey, you're neat..."?
Answer: Only once. ...No! Actually, it's mostly like, you meet one through some coincidence or an online group or something, and you just start meeting others. They come out of the woodwork. It's a big, homo snowball effect. In Utah, they're coming out of every nook and cranny. Seriously. They're everywhere. You have to watch where you step. Don't want homo on your shoe.

Question: OK, so look over here (points towards a very seductive-looking woman with long, reddish-brown hair and tight-fitting clothes on her trim, curvy figure which I'm sure should send me into a drooling stutter). Are you telling me that--(he points again emphatically)--that just doesn't do it for you?
Answer: I recognize she's a nice-looking woman, for sure. But see, here's the thing: when you asked me that, you distracted me from watching an attractive guy walk over that way.
His response: (hearty laughter)


Danish Boy said...

Just fyi there is no conclusive study that all male organists deal with this. It's just a theory. Although there is a lot of examples that you know of im sure. :)

October Rising said...

LOL. That's great.

Max Power said...

How dare you call us ward organists mohos! :P