A concerned blog-community friend contacted me about the recent tone of my blog entries. Reading between the lines, he expressed concern about any inner turmoil I may have been experiencing and just touched on his own experience in thinking he was "handling" things but later realizing it was building up in unhealthy ways.
So am I somewhat of a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding all over the moho scene, catalyzing the next blast in an extensive, almost legendary network of drama? My response was as follows:
Thanks for the concern.
My blog may sound more angsty than I actually feel. I just kind of get tired of people shrugging off my questioning as if it's a phase I'm going through simply to justify entertaining desires I'd like to act on. There's more to it than that.
I don't feel much intense turmoil. I'm processing things and making decisions that aren't easy and trying, in some way, to convey that process in writing. I do not deny that I often feel torn, stuck between a rock and a hard place on occasion, but most of the time, I simply am just trying to sort out what I really believe and living in accordance with what I do. I have few regrets.
In any case, thanks for letting me know you're available. I do talk with quite a few close, trusted friends and family about everything. I don't keep much bottled up these days. By the time I post something on my blog, I've usually discussed it, to some extent, with a few different people, and by the time a post is published, it's usually been in the works for a while. I actually consider myself to be in a pretty good place, albeit tentative in some ways, and I'm a bit perplexed by these guys who claim to be so sure of things but whose behavior is all over the place. And they are making out with and dating boys one day and then preaching the virtues of anti-gaydom the next day. It doesn't make any sense to me, but hey, my way probably doesn't make sense to them, either. I just don't want to shy away from admitting why sometimes it's hard to just "accept and move on".
I hope things are going well for you, too. I'll catch you later.
So, for any of the rest of you (all 8 who regularly visit my blog) who may be similarly concerned, that's what I have to say on the matter.